Reasoning

The reason I wrote about my experiences with sex isn't to show everyone that I am someone different than they thought but to let people know how I feel. It's complicated actually but mainly I feel worthless. Although I have the best family in the world and they would do anything for me, I don't have a group of people at school that I fit in at. At church I am the weird girl who doesn't talk and in seminary I am like some punk or something that no one can put up with.
I honestly feel like no one wants me unless it for all the wrong reasons. Even all the good guys just want something. I feel like that's all I am. Its stupid and typical for a girl to go on and on about something like this but that's how I truly feel right now and its been affecting me A LOT lately and I don't know what to do.
I Hate Myself with a burning passion. I can't even look in the mirror when I'm putting on makeup and think to myself that I am normal. I look at myself in complete and utter disgust. Of course no one knows this because I carry myself confidently, wear makeup, do my hair everyday and dress nice daily so that people won't be so quick to judge.
I am just scared to death that one day all of you are going to see right through my costume and mask and not like what you see. I know I don't like it.