My goals before school

Before school starts there are some simple, some crazy, and some typical things I want to do.

First off all I want to color part of my hair a crazy color like green. I'm actually doing this on Monday, I'm putting swipes of green into my hair but it washes out after like two or three times.

Now this one I am working on all summer but I want to loose two pant sizes.. I don't know if I worded that right.. but I am doing ab workouts in the morning and leg workouts at night and then I am taking the dogs on walks or riding my bike during the day to help. I am not fat at all; I am 5 foot 3 inches which is just below average and I weigh 130 pounds which is maybe a little more than what I should weigh, I don't know. I am mostly comfortable with my body... I say mostly because I like my figure but I personally feel like I have bigger thighs than I want or even should have. So I currently wear a size 7 in jeans and thats about what my dress size is and I want to be a size 5. That is my main goal but we'll see... Wish me luck and if you have any ideas on how to achieve this... PLEASE TELL ME!!!

Another thing I want is more of a need and common sense but I want to finish all of my summer classes early because I need to get it done and out of the way. Also what goes with that is I NEED to get a real job. I love babysitting, its tons of fun but it just isn't cutting it- I don't make enough and I have to pay for my Alaska trip plus college.... Now I have applied TONS of places soo we can only hope. Tomorrow I will be calling all the places and checking up on the jobs.

Lastly I want to really get along with some of my family. Now my mother and I don't always get along, but I want to work on that. I also do not at all get along with one of my cousins and her mom, my aunt... I try to get along with them honestly but its REALLY hard when the first thing they do when the come here is take over the computer and put on annoying music that no one likes even when I am obviously in the middle of school and I just stepped away! It annoys me sooo much that you have to log out of my account when I'm still on it!!! Also it is really really hard when you and your mother think your better than everyone and that your schedule is most important. Lastly its hard because my aunt EVERY TIME she sees me without makeup she has to say how I look tired... it really doesn't help my confidence about my natural beauty...
Anyway though I want to get along with them before because I am going on my cruise to Alaska with them and I have to share a room with them.......

And maybe get tan...

Anyway so those are my goals for the summer!! :D

Coincidence or fate?

Dear Ryan Fisher,

         I made you up. I have never even heard your name! You want to know how I came up with your name? I tried lots of names... I couldn't do a name that I already had past with. I searched names in my facebook to see if I was friends with a lot of people by certain names. I didn't want the last name to be obviously made up like Smith or Johnson- it had to blend in and be normal. I can't remember the other names but I tried one and I searched it and it ended up being some singer that I have never heard of but had millions of fans. Ryan. I have always liked that name. Fisher. I honestly came up with your name by typing random letters into facebook and when I clicked 'F' someone with that last name came up. I loved the ring to your name right away and so it was. Ryan Fisher. That is how your name came to be.

         Now recently I have been told some crazy news... you are apparently real. No, you aren't a famous singer with millions of fans but you went to Crater High School and shortly before I started you left. Someone from my school that read my blog informed me of this. They also informed me that you are blonde with blue eyes... that is the way I described my fake boyfriend! This is just soo shocking! Apparently more than a few people that I hangout with knew you too!!!

           My best friend from Nevada says that we are meant to be, my dear Ryan Fisher... if you are out there I want you know this is not something that happens to me often! I have done something so crazy as makeup a boyfriend. Ha! This is a crazy coincidence! That is what I am calling it for now. Although my dear friend, bless her heart, believes that one day I am going to meet you and that we are meant for each other-- like something out of a book or movie. 

Ryan Fisher I want to meet you. 

P.S. Ryan Fisher, I am not crazy, (all the time) I swear! You aren't suppose to be real. 

Challenge Accepted

I started a workout routine yesterday and I am determined to do it for the full length of time which is thirty days. From this workout I am looking for abs. Those are the main thing that I will be working.

Pictures from the lake!!!

Interesting NEWS

Today I went fishing at this lake that everyone goes to around here because its a hundred degrees and no one wants to drive somewhere to do something, plus its too hot to do anything! It was all fun though! There were some good looking guys about my age there... too bad I didn't wear my bathing suit though. I didn't wear it because I wasn't in the mood to swim, all I wanted to do was take pictures and I got some great ones!! So while I was out fishing and taking pictures my sister got what would have been the most exciting news of her life! This guy that she is interested in... or was... lives in Italy and he is practically obsessed with my big sister (of course can you blame him?! She's gorgeous and soo sweet and funny) but today apparently he crossed the line... he sent a picture of an engagement ring and asked for marriage. Now I would be SOO excited for her. I mean he is extremely good looking and he could make her very happy however my sister is only 17 and he is 21. I know that just screams bad news!

I love my sister to death and I want the best for her! I told her that if she really wanted I wouldn't go to Alaska and would save the money and go to Italy with her to go and get her prince charming and have them get married... however she wasn't too fond of the idea. I understand though!! I know I would freak out if I was in that situation!!! Now it would have been the most exciting thing of her life if one she was 30 years old and two if he lived here and I could actually approve. (Just so you know she has met him it's not just some creeper saying its a hot Italian guy, its also her cousin's best friend so her cousin tells her updates on him and stuff.. don't worry she wouldn't let just anyone fall in love with her.) 

So that is what happened today... as my sister got asked for her hand in marriage I went fishing with my dad and aunt and checked out some cuties in the lake. Typical day for both of us it seems. It's like when my best friend Sophie had her pageant, it was the same day my sister and her parents opened their store... that was the day that I went fishing at some other lake.  

My Movie Moments

So everyone has had movie moments in their life, whether it is making up a fake boyfriend and needing to find a guy to play the role of this fictional boyfriend or maybe its having a cute guy pick you out when at an event.
My movie moment that I'm going to talk about is when I went ice skating with some friends and came home with a really cute guy's number.

My two best friends (Ashley my sister, and Sophie) and I went ice skating one night. Ice skating in Nevada is the only thing to do in the winter time, and we did it a lot (at least Sophie and I)! I remember there wasn't a ton of people there that night ice skating, it was a pretty cold night. There was however one really, really cute guy there that we all had noticed at different points. He was jaw dropping cute! He was wearing a leather jacket and had a perfect smile, plus he was helping his little sister skate, which was so sweet! So at one point we all were standing on the ramp in a line talking when this boy and his little sister walked up. We all saw him start to walk up and my friends looked in different directions but I couldn't stop looking at him... He saw me staring and when he walked by us he flashed a smile right at me. Ashley and Sophie both saw and my sis gave me crap for staring but I remember Sophie being all excited.
So I figured whatever, it was just a smile but when we got back on the ice this guy came up from behind us and looked right at me and said "Are you guys having fun?" with a great big grin on his face. My friends just smiled and nodded and I said "Yes." also with a big smile. Then he skated off to his sister. Of course Ash and Sophie told me I had to go and talk to him and my response I believe was something like "No, he was talking to all of us, not just me." but I remember Sophie literally pushing me into him. (Good thing I am good at ice skating...)
I felt so dumb and didn't know what to say but I couldn't stop smiling in the presence of this hottie! I asked him the same thing he asked us which made me feel dumb but then we just started talking and really hit it off! However I do remember at one point I said "I thought you would've been talking to my friend Sophie- shes tall, dark haired and gorgeous or my sister- she has a smile that lights up the room and the prettiest eyes but he said I was the one he wanted to talk to.
Everything was soo wonderful!
We talked the whole time after that- which was like two hours I think and I just left my friends but they said they were happy. Haha. He asked for my number when we were putting our skates back and when I got home I watched the phone for hours! I was freaking out that I had given him the wrong number or that he couldn't read it because my hands were so cold but eventually he text me. His name was Traysen and we started dating not too long after that night. I met ALL of his friends and most said that he was more engaged with me than he ever had been with any other girlfriend. He was simply wonderful... except for the fact that he smoked... and drank... and got me into BIG trouble once or twice.
When I dated him I was practically obsessed with him. I always wanted to hangout and he was a fantastic kisser!! I would practically freak out when he had work and didn't call me which is weird because I never did that! I usually didn't care and never was clingy. I liked him soooo much, but he was so bad for me, and so perfect at the same time.
We only dated for like a month and then when I was in Oregon visiting for Christmas I found our he had a FWB and I was sortta mad and ended it. Which then led me to my next boyfriend. Tyler. Traysen introduced us and we hit it off right away as well.. in fact Tyler and I went ice skating when Traysen and I were still dating but we were just friends then when I ended it, Tyler was there. Tyler was worse than Traysen!! He smoked, partied, and has dated every girl that I went to school with. I didn't have nearly as much fun with him. He was a college boy though so he was higher up on the scale but he wasn't near as cute. Then Tyler also cheated on me but I wasn't really mad. I didn't even care, I knew he would. Plus I was moving to a different state. The girl he cheated on me with Kayla- I actually introduced them... and now they are actually getting married soon!
So if I didn't date and break up with Traysen I wouldn't have met Tyler, which then wouldn't have met Kayla and then they wouldn't be engaged right now........

Ryan Fisher... my perfect Fake boyfriend

Ryan Fisher: the tall handsome smart college boy of my dreams... you are only mine... you don't exist. 
I made you up. I made my boyfriend up...
Remember that problem I was having with all these dumb boys hitting on me constantly? I told myself I was going to do something about it; and therefore I did do something. 

It started with a change on Facebook- from "single" to "In a relationship" but I had to keep the story going for it to work so when people (guys) asked I said his name is Ryan and we met at the college when I got my schedule. I told people (guys) that he helped me around the school and gave me his number in case I got lost again and we just really hit it off (thanks to my sister for the great story!). 

Then every time Nick would call I would just talk about how great things are going with us and how he was taking me to dinner or a movie so I could never talk to long because obviously I have work all day then I get home and then Ryan Fisher and I hangout. 

I really think this was a great idea and it has been working wonderfully! I just hope that no one ever wants to meet him... 

Things currently going on

First of all I want to say Nick please give it a break! You have a girlfriend so give her more attention and stop calling me everyday. I like to talk to you and be friends with you but.. come on! Stop saying that you love me and that we would be perfect together if I just gave you a chance. Like I said you DO have a girlfriend and you're too old for me. I don't mean to hurt him- I have told him every time he talks to me that way just sometimes it becomes too much and I want to strangle him, but I'm always nice. Ignoring you hasn't work now I have to actually talk to you because this is enough......
Secondly my whole room is put together!
Third.... I love the movie Hotel Transylvania!

10 Things I ACTUALLY like

1. Blonde guys (I find them soo attractive)
2. Orange Juice (It comforts me)
3. Ice cream (Its good for any emotion)
4. MUSIC (You can never go wrong with music <3 )
5. Nature (True beauty)
6. Sleep (I can never get enough)
7. Photography (Moments can last forever)
8. Art (Simple things become extraordinary)
9. My family (They are ALL so loving)
10. My style (No one has the same style as me!)

I don't know who I am....

I am who I am. Sometimes.
I am who I am when I want to be... When my dad isn't telling me that I need to go to college and be a chef with a restaurant so he could work there and do what he has always wanted; When people from church aren't judging me because I dress differently and try too hard. I can never relax around them. I am who I want to be when my mother isn't constantly criticizing what makes me. I am who I want to be when I'm not overly stressed because of college and money.
Truth is though I really don't know who I am. I know I am only 17 years old but I worry and think about these small details of who am I and who do I want to be? No one else my age does this however. I don't even know who I am when I'm alone because I'm so caught up in the fact that I'm behind in my summer classes; I'm caught up in the fact that I'm not getting paid enough and won't make enough money for my trip, and I'm caught up because simply I am not who I want to be. I want to be some supermodel, flirty, girl that has great stories and everyone including girls like me as a person. I am not the life of the party. Ever. I am the girl in the corner who sings to herself and bounces on her feet- I can't even keep a beat. I don't know who I am without my best friends from Nevada. They were my everything, I talked to them about everything everyday and now all I have is my dad (which he is amazing, don't get me wrong! Sometimes I just need a girl to talk to about girl things).
Most people think I have everything figured out and that I am so smart because I got a scholarship and I will be successful. Yes, I have a "plan" I know what I think I want to do. I am going to RCC for one year just to finish high school then I'm going to SOU for four years in Business and Accounting then I'm going to major in Culinary Arts in San Francisco. This is my plan. It has been my plan for years now.
I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO I AM!! ASAP!
I'm tired of this cranky, stressed out person I have been lately. I also have been getting hurt a lot more than usual too. Tomorrow I am going to get a blessing... my first step in helping myself.

The questions I always ask...

What is love? Who are you to decide what it is and also who is to decide what is right when it comes to love?
There has been a lot of news about gay marriage.. I will speak honestly; I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints- most people know me as a Mormon. In my church gays are not recognized, it is "wrong" and "not god like" to be that way.  I take a different stand point though. Now I don't want people to make judgments about us though; don't get me wrong we will always love and accept people from all sorts. We as a united religion try not to judge and to accept everyone and to love everyone.
I believe that being gay or bi or straight isn't a choice but a feeling. I know that some people don't like the taste of chocolate... it isn't a choice to hate chocolate or other sweets it just come naturally to them; they may like fruit better and who is to say what they feel or like or know what they want is wrong??  That is my stand point.

Why is it that old people drive so slow? Is it just simply because they are old and don't know any better or maybe its because they have had such a long and hard life full of traumatic incidents that they want to be sure to drive safe.

Now this question is a little bit confusing but Do I see the same things you do? Like I know we both have been taught that the sky is blue and that tigers have black stripes but the color you have been taught is black is that the color I would see as pink?? (This doesn't really apply to people that are color blind)
I know that everyone sees the same thing differently. For example some people find me attractive and others not at all, its because they see me "differently" but what causes one average guy to look past me and the next one to fall head over heels? Its not just about me either but simple details like the gold trim on my DC shoes or the way the sun looks when it comes up. These things go unnoticed sometimes but why? How?

First Love

I know what is wrong with me... I never let go of things. I hold on to them. It isn't always a bad thing just sometimes it tires you down. I recently was looking at old pictures and remembering the good times- missing the great moments! I do miss a lot of things. My first love. I miss him... it sounds crazy! But he was the first- and the only person I said those three precious words of passion: "I Love You". I did or thought I did and... think I still do? I don't know what is going on with me but when I saw his picture I felt so happy and warm and giggly and still can't stop smiling... just like the first time he kissed me. It was my first kiss. It wasn't the best but they got better after that first awkward moment in his bedroom. I remember it like it was yesterday. He lived right across the street from me and that one summer we hung out ALL the time and did everything together. Together. We were together.
His parents were cool and really liked me, I loved going over there and he was always at my house as well. It was the year my parents were getting a divorce so it was just my mom and I living there because my two brothers were in Washington and my father was in Oregon. Seth would be over at my house at ten or eleven at night because we would watch the stars or we would watch a movie. It's funny too because he was always at my house before I met him, he was helping my mom with a lot of things around the house or cut wood and stuff when everyone was gone. She is the one who introduced us and wanted something to happen.
When my brother got home and found out all about him he was furious! He threatened him and all this crap and told him to leave and never come to our house again. Seth would still come over sometimes but my dumb brother fed him the same speech each time. Then we moved.
When I came back to visit I stopped by his house and talked with his parents; he came out and was surprised to see me. He also said I looked really good and stuff. I remember and regret this- he walked me home and we just talked and got caught up again but when he asked for a hug I said "No, because you are a bad boy and I don't hug bad boys." I still remember that! I was so mad at myself. I thought that he would still hug me or something or see right through me but he just turned and walked away and that was the last time I talked to him...

Finally!

This may sound ridiculous but I have had no luck with finding a friend that is a girl and that I can just be myself around! For girls especially in high school it is important to find someone you can be totally dorky around and talk about boys to. I had two amazing friends where I moved from and I love them dearly; in fact I miss them all the time!! My one friend Ashley I considered as my sister and we convinced everyone that we were half sisters by the time we got to our Junior year- we started this white lie in Seventh grade! That's how close we are and have been. We just got along perfectly and knew each others' flaws and still love each other for them! I am so terrible at keeping in contact with old friends but not with her even if I don't tell her something for months we always know when something is wrong and when we need to talk. My other friend Sophia is gorgeous. She is the tall, skinny dark haired beauty everyone loves! In fact shes in a pageant and everything! I love this girl to death as well and all though she has amazing and classy style she is a crazy, dorky, awkward girl.
Since I have been here I have been unable to find someone like these two amazing people that I have known all of my social life pretty much! I have hung out with a couple girls here and there but none of them I have really clicked to. In fact at my birthday party there were like eight guys and three girls- two girls were the girlfriends of guys I hang out with and the other girl I just invited to be nice.
Anyway lately I have been feeling lonely although none of my guy friends will leave me alone... I need some girl time!
Finally I have found it though! A girl I go to church with is super cute and is friends with EVERYONE! She is so sweet so I called her up and we have already gotten along so wonderfully therefore we are going to go roller skating and then to a dance the night after! I cant wait!! It's going to be fun and I can tell I'm going to be good friends with her.

:)

My style

I have a very diverse style. Some days I wear red lipstick and a hat, other days I wear a cute light colored dress and some flats but recently I have been wanting to wear aviator glasses and my high heels! ^_^
I love to keep it fresh and mix it up! Today I wore THE CUTEST outfit ever!! I had on a grey plaid skirt with blue and grey stripes and then tiny black and white ones. For my blouse I chose to wear a blue that matched and my blue shirt was lace so you could see through it, therefore under I had a purple tank top that matched the skirt. I had earrings that happened to match Perfectly as well and then I had my hair in a sock bun and kept my bangs straight across. I had on black nylons and my favorite grey heels; my heels are retro looking almost... I will Have to post a picture of my outfit!!
I loved it so much and got lots of compliments but I'm mentioning it because I never wear the skirt or really the shirt, ha I hardly wear those shoes. They all just sit in my room because it isn't my usual style but when you go out of your comfort zone a little you may find you like the change! Plus lots of people notice!
When putting together your next outfit match things together and pick one thing you really want to pop such as your shoes or even your facial features and focus on that. Another tip if you are wearing something you are not used to just smile a little or add your own usual style to the new style. Be comfortable with yourself is the most important thing, and have fun!

MANY BOYS..........

So today I hung out with my best friend... my guy best friend and he asked me out; which he has done many times but today was a little different... I think I am starting to fall for my ridiculous, dorky, weird friend who is constantly hitting on me. He's crazy! He's funny! He's just Alex. He's everything I want but he most certainly isn't what I want! Do you know? It is confusing.
What I think I want and what I tell  others I want is right in front of me in the shape of a scrawny white boy that has red hair... it has been extremely difficult for me to realize that I might actually like this kid!
On another note my other guy friend- that has a girlfriend, is hitting on me like none other! He's already offered to make me dinner, anything I want. Also he tells me how he can't hangout with me and my guy friends because he gets jealous and will want to fight them..... Kill me?! Why does this always happen to me? I tell him no all the time.......... really Nick? Ugh.
On top of that my stalker is talking to me again. He is insane and very persistent as well as the other guys. One time I went camping and he was at the same place! Camped right across from me! It was a coincidence, but still!
I have serious issues!!! Every guy I like I scare away, and then every other guy I talk to I don't act cute or do ANY thing special and they all fall for me it seems.....
Anyone want to help me and give me advice on how to keep the guys I like and keep the guys who like me away.

WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!

So today something weird happened... my friend got threatened on facebook because he was posting conservative things! I find it funny although I share a lot of the same views I don't feel the need to blow up my wall with it. There is a time and a place for those kinds of things but also people shouldn't get so defensive. I guess some liberal reported him saying he was posting hate stuff but its all a bunch of BS... it was still weird that he actually got a notice that he had to stop posting those things or he would be blocked from facebook!! Who would have thought... its really ironic because there are always people posting half naked pictures of girls or celebrities on Facebook and then there is the dirty comics and nasty "pick up lines" but no one stops them.... WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!

Dating Tips

When you think you're interested in someone some important things to remember before making a move is "Who am I?" and "Why do I like this person?" Trust me it sounds silly but it helps progress. 
Obviously if you don't know the person a whole lot you like them because of simple things like their looks or the way the smile and laugh or maybe just the way they carry themselves. 
These are all very important to make YOU more approachable and also helps to get noticed. ;) 

First when you notice someone and you want to know more or talk or do whatever you need to be confident! If this is a spur of the moment thing then go with it! You wont have time to prep yourself or back out which is good. You need to be SMOOTH, act NATURAL and when you start the conversation say something simple such as "Wow, it is such a warm, beautiful night" this statement shows that you can observe things around you and such or you could complement the person but for a first compliment you want to compliment above the neck such as eyes because you don't want to come off as you have been checking out the person. 

Confidence is Key! You need to be smooth and when you say something stupid or trip over your words because you're nervous then you need to be able to laugh it off! This is important for girls and guys. Funny people are always so attractive. Ask anyone. 

Be yourself! This is also important because people can sense when you are trying too hard or are making up stuff and that just can get awkward and very uncomfortable very easily. 

When talking to someone be sure not to say too much at a time. You want the person to be intrigued and want to ask questions for example "Today was such a long day at work, but I love what I do." that makes the person want to ask what your job is or you could say "I can't wait for September- I will be able to do what I've always wanted to do" keep it simple and they will want to know more if they are interested. 

Keep calm and Keep dating! 
If the first person doesn't like you try again- its about putting yourself out there and wanting to meet people. Not everyone you meet is going to love you-- Trust me, we all know this. 

Today

Today has been pretty good. Just worked again, it was nice though. I fell asleep shortly after everyone left as the boy I watch was just reading quietly. When he finished his book he woke me up and put on a great movie that I didn't think I would like- Hotel Transelvania. It was so cute and I love that movie!! After the movie I fell asleep again! Gah! I have been so tired lately. I guess its because I have been stressed and been thinking about a lot of things! Anyway it was a nice and lazy day I enjoyed it.
Yesterday night was great too, I got to go out to dinner with my dad and we talked about boys who have hurt me but made me think and cute waitresses- it was quite funny. We made a bet about the waitress' age; I said she was 27 and dad said she was younger... I lost. I laughed a lot and I also gave my dad some great tips on dating! I will post them next!! ;)

Someone New

Oddly I have been talking to a new someone... I enjoy talking to this boy but it is impossible for ANYTHING to happen... first of all he is an old friend from Nevada and I just moved away six or seven months ago. I'm starting to like him though. I am crazy though! I tend to like anyone I talk to for more than twenty minutes... Its a bad thing and worse is most people know about my problem and think I'm a huge flirt and stuff! Where do they get that idea? *Laugh Out Loud*
Anyway talking to this person has been really good for me and has made me think a lot. I have thought that I truly should just drop the past. I don't mean forget about my best friends because I couldn't possibly do that! My only girl friends live in Nevada!! Anyway but what I should do is stop thinking that I still live there. **I need to live in the here and now.** That's what my mom used to always tell me and it's good advice! I really should stop thinking that one day I will be back and show all those guys that I did like that I am worth it and I really should stop keeping up with every little detail of drama that is happening with my old friends because it just depresses me.. honestly.
This one person has helped me realize all that.. who would've thought! Well now I am in a better mood and I feel better about myself weirdly. I'm glad that I am able to talk to "Someone New".

Working and School

Today and yesterday were really great days! I am working for my aunt and watching my cousin all day and doing simple chores at the house, plus the pay is pretty good. I really enjoy watching my cousin, it has been good for me to get close to him and the rest of the family! I love it. Also yesterday Noah and I played airsoft war for hours! It was a blast- truly! Also Yesterday I got good news!!! I got my scholarship!! Now all of my schooling is paid for! I am only taking two classes a term though which means that I can work and do school! ;)
Today I got my schedule too! I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays! Whoo-hoo!! I'm pretty happy and it has set me into a good mood. However I am soooo behind on my summer classes! -_-