My life sucks soo much right now!!! I am not allowed to get my license until I have all A's in school, have filled out all my scholarship papers, gotten a job and paid for my car to be fixed. So basically I have to go to school full time, then come home and do homework for at least two hours on average or go to work first then do homework and not have any time to do anything but why would I want to do anything anyway? I mean its only my senior year and the third high school I've gone to so what's the big deal. Might as well just keep going through life with no real purpose than to work. I AM NOT AN ADULT YET!!!! Everyone is saying that you should have fun and do what you want to in high school, still do your work but it isnt the time to be stressing about money and relationships and family stuff. Fuck. I guess I'm doing it all wrong!
School is so stressful! Right now as of Monday I have to find twelve quotes from this book I'm reading, write four thesis statements for a poster project that is suppose to be a group project which is all due tomorrow and do a character map with fifteen characters, each having a symbol in color and connecting to another character and so on with a paragraph of description on a poster board due Thursday and this is all for one fucking class!!! Yay! Kill me? Someone. Please. ANYONE!
Growing up sucks. I just want to fly to neverland...
Monday, October 21, 2013
Sunday, October 13, 2013
Reasoning
The reason I wrote about my experiences with sex isn't to show everyone that I am someone different than they thought but to let people know how I feel. It's complicated actually but mainly I feel worthless. Although I have the best family in the world and they would do anything for me, I don't have a group of people at school that I fit in at. At church I am the weird girl who doesn't talk and in seminary I am like some punk or something that no one can put up with.
I honestly feel like no one wants me unless it for all the wrong reasons. Even all the good guys just want something. I feel like that's all I am. Its stupid and typical for a girl to go on and on about something like this but that's how I truly feel right now and its been affecting me A LOT lately and I don't know what to do.
I Hate Myself with a burning passion. I can't even look in the mirror when I'm putting on makeup and think to myself that I am normal. I look at myself in complete and utter disgust. Of course no one knows this because I carry myself confidently, wear makeup, do my hair everyday and dress nice daily so that people won't be so quick to judge.
I am just scared to death that one day all of you are going to see right through my costume and mask and not like what you see. I know I don't like it.
I honestly feel like no one wants me unless it for all the wrong reasons. Even all the good guys just want something. I feel like that's all I am. Its stupid and typical for a girl to go on and on about something like this but that's how I truly feel right now and its been affecting me A LOT lately and I don't know what to do.
I Hate Myself with a burning passion. I can't even look in the mirror when I'm putting on makeup and think to myself that I am normal. I look at myself in complete and utter disgust. Of course no one knows this because I carry myself confidently, wear makeup, do my hair everyday and dress nice daily so that people won't be so quick to judge.
I am just scared to death that one day all of you are going to see right through my costume and mask and not like what you see. I know I don't like it.
MY LITTLE BLACK BOOK
The first time I ever had sex was with this guy named Kris Newcomb. I would do anything to get someone like him to even look at me. I swear every girl liked him at one point or another, although most the time they quickly got over him because he was a jerk who was so full of himself and all he wanted was sex. I never did quite get over him though.
It was my first time. I didn't know what to do. I had liked him briefly over the years but my sophomore year I had a class with him! It was history class and we sat across the room from each other but I was always looking or thinking about him. I can't even explain him. He was so cute, blonde hair- blonde curly hair. He was just a tough guy who did what he wanted and was his own person. I loved it and I wanted it. For some reason that year I was actually attractive to guys. I wore makeup and knew not to wear baggy clothes. So this guy, Kris, one day after class started talking to me about our test grades or something and then something shocking happened! He asked me for my number. With out a doubt I gave it to him. Quickly after we were texting all the time and eventually I came to his house.
His parents weren't home when he asked me to come home with him. I was ecstatic! I told my dad I was going bowling with some friends after school (because Kris lived near the bowling alley) and everything was perfect. Kris and I weren't dating, we had never even held hands or hugged for too long. I can honestly say I didn't know what to expect. I mean I have kissed guys before him and dated but this was Kris Newcomb...
First to get me comfortable he offered me something to drink, then we listened to music. Clearly I didn't know what to do with myself, I was sooo awkward. I don't actually remember how it started, I think it was me, but we started to kiss and very quickly that lead to other things.
This was my first time! I could have easily stopped it but I didn't want to, not then, not with him. Sex was sex. It was great and I won't go into details but it wasn't too long, at least I didn't think so. Afterward Kris played a song on his guitar that he had written and then not too long after he was pushing me out the door because his dad was going to be home soon.
I left his house and was three miles away from my house. I had no way to get home and was freaking out. I was calling everyone but no one answered. As I walked down the road some more this guy and a motorcycle pulled over and asked me if I needed a ride. I did. I needed a ride and so I got on and got home just before my father. This young guy who rode me home was 22 and just came back from army or something. He was Indian and pretty cute. His name was Aaron, we started texting the day he dropped me off. He ended up being a total sweetheart but I won't go into it.
Kris stopped talking to me after our interaction. He didn't come to school either. He started attending a charter school.
I never quite got over him.
I thought it was normal for the guy to do this sorta thing and it was a part of life. Which lead me to guy number two.
Mathew Milder. I was still a sophomore and the year was almost over when I had sex with Mathew. I came home from school early and wanted to hangout with him. I told him where I lived and told him to walk right in. He was cool but too cool for me. He was a freshmen. When he came over we put on a movie and talked. He kissed me and then we started to make out. Somehow that lead to sex. That really didn't last long.
To be completely honest I didn't even like Mat!
Guy number three: Cameron Arnold, the football player. I was friends with him on Facebook and thought he was cute so we started texting. I found out lots of things about him, like he had a girlfriend but she hated when he drank and partied and never wanted to have sex. Cameron came along shortly after Mathew and so it was kinda just a binge and I met up with him one day. We planned on having sex. We drove up towards this dirt road and parked the car. We had sex in his little black Mazda. It was horrible.
I was visiting my mother in Washington for summer break, before my Junior year when I met Andrew. I never did find out his last name. We met at a park one day. I was going through a major punk phase where I loved guys who smoked and had tattoos and crap. Andrew was perfect. He smoked, had snake bite lip piercings and long blonde hair. When we met he was really quite but I was into him. His friend on the other hand was super social and was flirting with my friend and I and put his number in my phone... the only reason I text him was because I wanted Andrew's number. Andrew and I met each other later that night at a park next to my mother's house. It was perfect night to sneak out because my uncle was gone and he had a low window in his room with no screen. I left my house and hung out with Andrew. He was different though. We talked for easily two hours straight about EVERYTHING! We told each other stories about the stuff we have done or want to do and then we kissed and it was just perfect. He picked me up and carried me to a park bench. He took off his friends jacket (John Brown, the guy who was flirting with me) and we had sex on that jacket on that bench in the middle of an open park! It was actually the most amazing sex I've ever had. Someone did see us having sex though, it was some woman walking her dog in the middle of the night... we thought it was funny at the time... Andrew and I talked all the time and planned the next time we would see each other and talked about how much we liked each other. About a month after I came home to Nevada he stopped talking to me completely. I heard he lost his phone or something and haven't heard from him since.
The last guy I had sex with was Tyler Lillie. I fell for him so fast! This was my junior year, right before I moved to Oregon. Tyler and I dated for a week or two and I was crazy about him! I don't know what it was... maybe because he was a smoker, had curly hair, but honestly it was just everything. Tyler told me that if I had sex with him, when I moved he would still talk to me everyday. He promised and I wanted him to, even though I knew he wouldn't. I wanted to have sex with him. I did have sex with him. In his best friends house... on his best friends bed... while his best friend Dustin Lattimer was still in the room technically. Dustin went up in the attic in his room and could hear the whole thing. Yup. Dustin and I kept talking after I moved but Tyler and I didn't, Tyler got a girlfriend the day I moved and is now engaged to her for the moment.
So this is the big secret. People who know me would never guess but honestly I just wanted to be wanted. I have a great life and an amazing family who loves me but I don't know what is wrong with me.
I get so depressed sometimes when I hear girls talk about who they think are whores because they had sex with two guys or have kissed eight guys or because of what she wears.
I am the master of disguise! I go to an LDS church, I am Mormon!!! Its highly against our religion to have sex before marriage.
I don't want kids. I don't want to get married. I want to live alone and have a career. I hate people so much because I have fallen for all the wrong guys and have done everything with them but I have also fallen for the right guys and they wanted to do the same things but I stopped it. If I had sex with every guy who tried or got close, my number would not be five, it would be like fifteen!! I hate myself for every time I had sex with them. I hate myself for having such little self worth that I would do that but I hate myself most of all because I live a lie. I tell people that I don't drink alcohol or caffeine, I tell them as a mormon I don't go to parties or skip class and I don't wear short shorts or slutty dresses and I don't throw myself at every guy. I act mature, responsible and classy but I definitely not loud, obnoxious, irresponsible or slutty.
My dirty little secret is Kris Newcomb. Mathew Milder. Cameron Arnold. Andrew. Tyler Lillie.
My regrets: Kris Newcomb.
Sometimes Kris still talks to me, tells me how life is or how he's depressed and needs help. One time he even told me he was going to kill himself because he has nothing or no one to live for and wanted to say good bye to me. Every time he has ever pulled this shit with me I fall. I fall hard and I try to do everything I can for him. I swear I would do anything for him and he's the crappiest of them all! I don't even care about all the others. Only him.
He's the one I regret because I couldn't handle everything after him.
It was my first time. I didn't know what to do. I had liked him briefly over the years but my sophomore year I had a class with him! It was history class and we sat across the room from each other but I was always looking or thinking about him. I can't even explain him. He was so cute, blonde hair- blonde curly hair. He was just a tough guy who did what he wanted and was his own person. I loved it and I wanted it. For some reason that year I was actually attractive to guys. I wore makeup and knew not to wear baggy clothes. So this guy, Kris, one day after class started talking to me about our test grades or something and then something shocking happened! He asked me for my number. With out a doubt I gave it to him. Quickly after we were texting all the time and eventually I came to his house.
His parents weren't home when he asked me to come home with him. I was ecstatic! I told my dad I was going bowling with some friends after school (because Kris lived near the bowling alley) and everything was perfect. Kris and I weren't dating, we had never even held hands or hugged for too long. I can honestly say I didn't know what to expect. I mean I have kissed guys before him and dated but this was Kris Newcomb...
First to get me comfortable he offered me something to drink, then we listened to music. Clearly I didn't know what to do with myself, I was sooo awkward. I don't actually remember how it started, I think it was me, but we started to kiss and very quickly that lead to other things.
This was my first time! I could have easily stopped it but I didn't want to, not then, not with him. Sex was sex. It was great and I won't go into details but it wasn't too long, at least I didn't think so. Afterward Kris played a song on his guitar that he had written and then not too long after he was pushing me out the door because his dad was going to be home soon.
I left his house and was three miles away from my house. I had no way to get home and was freaking out. I was calling everyone but no one answered. As I walked down the road some more this guy and a motorcycle pulled over and asked me if I needed a ride. I did. I needed a ride and so I got on and got home just before my father. This young guy who rode me home was 22 and just came back from army or something. He was Indian and pretty cute. His name was Aaron, we started texting the day he dropped me off. He ended up being a total sweetheart but I won't go into it.
Kris stopped talking to me after our interaction. He didn't come to school either. He started attending a charter school.
I never quite got over him.
I thought it was normal for the guy to do this sorta thing and it was a part of life. Which lead me to guy number two.
Mathew Milder. I was still a sophomore and the year was almost over when I had sex with Mathew. I came home from school early and wanted to hangout with him. I told him where I lived and told him to walk right in. He was cool but too cool for me. He was a freshmen. When he came over we put on a movie and talked. He kissed me and then we started to make out. Somehow that lead to sex. That really didn't last long.
To be completely honest I didn't even like Mat!
Guy number three: Cameron Arnold, the football player. I was friends with him on Facebook and thought he was cute so we started texting. I found out lots of things about him, like he had a girlfriend but she hated when he drank and partied and never wanted to have sex. Cameron came along shortly after Mathew and so it was kinda just a binge and I met up with him one day. We planned on having sex. We drove up towards this dirt road and parked the car. We had sex in his little black Mazda. It was horrible.
I was visiting my mother in Washington for summer break, before my Junior year when I met Andrew. I never did find out his last name. We met at a park one day. I was going through a major punk phase where I loved guys who smoked and had tattoos and crap. Andrew was perfect. He smoked, had snake bite lip piercings and long blonde hair. When we met he was really quite but I was into him. His friend on the other hand was super social and was flirting with my friend and I and put his number in my phone... the only reason I text him was because I wanted Andrew's number. Andrew and I met each other later that night at a park next to my mother's house. It was perfect night to sneak out because my uncle was gone and he had a low window in his room with no screen. I left my house and hung out with Andrew. He was different though. We talked for easily two hours straight about EVERYTHING! We told each other stories about the stuff we have done or want to do and then we kissed and it was just perfect. He picked me up and carried me to a park bench. He took off his friends jacket (John Brown, the guy who was flirting with me) and we had sex on that jacket on that bench in the middle of an open park! It was actually the most amazing sex I've ever had. Someone did see us having sex though, it was some woman walking her dog in the middle of the night... we thought it was funny at the time... Andrew and I talked all the time and planned the next time we would see each other and talked about how much we liked each other. About a month after I came home to Nevada he stopped talking to me completely. I heard he lost his phone or something and haven't heard from him since.
The last guy I had sex with was Tyler Lillie. I fell for him so fast! This was my junior year, right before I moved to Oregon. Tyler and I dated for a week or two and I was crazy about him! I don't know what it was... maybe because he was a smoker, had curly hair, but honestly it was just everything. Tyler told me that if I had sex with him, when I moved he would still talk to me everyday. He promised and I wanted him to, even though I knew he wouldn't. I wanted to have sex with him. I did have sex with him. In his best friends house... on his best friends bed... while his best friend Dustin Lattimer was still in the room technically. Dustin went up in the attic in his room and could hear the whole thing. Yup. Dustin and I kept talking after I moved but Tyler and I didn't, Tyler got a girlfriend the day I moved and is now engaged to her for the moment.
So this is the big secret. People who know me would never guess but honestly I just wanted to be wanted. I have a great life and an amazing family who loves me but I don't know what is wrong with me.
I get so depressed sometimes when I hear girls talk about who they think are whores because they had sex with two guys or have kissed eight guys or because of what she wears.
I am the master of disguise! I go to an LDS church, I am Mormon!!! Its highly against our religion to have sex before marriage.
I don't want kids. I don't want to get married. I want to live alone and have a career. I hate people so much because I have fallen for all the wrong guys and have done everything with them but I have also fallen for the right guys and they wanted to do the same things but I stopped it. If I had sex with every guy who tried or got close, my number would not be five, it would be like fifteen!! I hate myself for every time I had sex with them. I hate myself for having such little self worth that I would do that but I hate myself most of all because I live a lie. I tell people that I don't drink alcohol or caffeine, I tell them as a mormon I don't go to parties or skip class and I don't wear short shorts or slutty dresses and I don't throw myself at every guy. I act mature, responsible and classy but I definitely not loud, obnoxious, irresponsible or slutty.
My dirty little secret is Kris Newcomb. Mathew Milder. Cameron Arnold. Andrew. Tyler Lillie.
My regrets: Kris Newcomb.
Sometimes Kris still talks to me, tells me how life is or how he's depressed and needs help. One time he even told me he was going to kill himself because he has nothing or no one to live for and wanted to say good bye to me. Every time he has ever pulled this shit with me I fall. I fall hard and I try to do everything I can for him. I swear I would do anything for him and he's the crappiest of them all! I don't even care about all the others. Only him.
He's the one I regret because I couldn't handle everything after him.
Monday, August 26, 2013
My brother Jamie
My brother and I used to be best friends. Honest! We did everything together and had blast!
My brother James honestly was the coolest person. Now don't get me wrong he still is awesome but I just never see him anymore. Jamie lives in Washington currently, which is only like 6 hours away from here but soon he is moving to Las Vegas and I will not be able to see him at all before or after he moves.
My brother and I are only a year (and 18 days) apart. We are like twins! We're both in the same grade and we used to wear matching clothes in school and tell everyone we were twins. We look just like it too!
Growing up my brother hated homework and school... well he still does. Anyway I used to do his homework when we were younger. Mostly math and reading and then he got really good at math and would do my homework. Like I said we were best friends.
My brother used to do so much for me! He would tie my shoes and of course he did it in double knots so he wouldn't have to do it again for awhile. My brother tied my shoes till I was in like 7th grade... its really quite sad honestly. I knew how to tie my shoes its just I never did because he was always there for me. Now that he isn't here I only have two out of twenty-one pairs of shoes that have laces and they are double tied so I never untie or retie them. When I do have to tie my shoes though, it takes FOREVER! I haven't had the practice.... and to think I'm going to college in the fall...
Another thing that I have recently noticed I don't know how to do which is sooo stupid but I have never pealed an orange! I had my six year old cousin show me how to! Haha!! I would know how to if someone just started it for me but I have to admit even when my cousin started it I was doing it the long way! Its quite a funny thing to think.
I miss my brother so much and I never knew how much I depended on him! He was there for me... for EVERYTHING!! Although I treated him like he was younger than me, he was always my big brother and he helped me a lot.
Thank you Jamie! I love you!
P.S. Only I am allowed to call him "Jamie" his real name is James and he hates when people call him "Jamie".
My brother James honestly was the coolest person. Now don't get me wrong he still is awesome but I just never see him anymore. Jamie lives in Washington currently, which is only like 6 hours away from here but soon he is moving to Las Vegas and I will not be able to see him at all before or after he moves.
My brother and I are only a year (and 18 days) apart. We are like twins! We're both in the same grade and we used to wear matching clothes in school and tell everyone we were twins. We look just like it too!
Growing up my brother hated homework and school... well he still does. Anyway I used to do his homework when we were younger. Mostly math and reading and then he got really good at math and would do my homework. Like I said we were best friends.
My brother used to do so much for me! He would tie my shoes and of course he did it in double knots so he wouldn't have to do it again for awhile. My brother tied my shoes till I was in like 7th grade... its really quite sad honestly. I knew how to tie my shoes its just I never did because he was always there for me. Now that he isn't here I only have two out of twenty-one pairs of shoes that have laces and they are double tied so I never untie or retie them. When I do have to tie my shoes though, it takes FOREVER! I haven't had the practice.... and to think I'm going to college in the fall...
Another thing that I have recently noticed I don't know how to do which is sooo stupid but I have never pealed an orange! I had my six year old cousin show me how to! Haha!! I would know how to if someone just started it for me but I have to admit even when my cousin started it I was doing it the long way! Its quite a funny thing to think.
I miss my brother so much and I never knew how much I depended on him! He was there for me... for EVERYTHING!! Although I treated him like he was younger than me, he was always my big brother and he helped me a lot.
Thank you Jamie! I love you!
P.S. Only I am allowed to call him "Jamie" his real name is James and he hates when people call him "Jamie".
Friday, August 16, 2013
Pear Picking
The Mormon's in this area have this awesome program where they have a whole pair farm and everyone in the area has to come and pick them, then the fruit they send out to families who don't have money. I have never known about this due to the fact that we just didn't do anything like this in Nevada. I had no idea what to expect but our ward was told to volunteer and help on certain dates and my dad and I agreed to do it.
So we drive up to the pair farm and there is huge signs saying "LDS WORK PROJECT" with arrows I believe. We pull in and they separate the guys and girls. My dad works on the lower part and I walk up to start working. I had no idea if anyone was going or what the plan was but I was pleased to see a few girls from my ward there! They all greeted me and then we signed in and put our bucket things on.
We picked from 6 to about 8:30. It was actually a lot of fun, I got to tell all the girls about my date because they had all heard about it but hey I was happy to share! :D
So we drive up to the pair farm and there is huge signs saying "LDS WORK PROJECT" with arrows I believe. We pull in and they separate the guys and girls. My dad works on the lower part and I walk up to start working. I had no idea if anyone was going or what the plan was but I was pleased to see a few girls from my ward there! They all greeted me and then we signed in and put our bucket things on.
We picked from 6 to about 8:30. It was actually a lot of fun, I got to tell all the girls about my date because they had all heard about it but hey I was happy to share! :D
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Cutting Hair
So I have this strange addiction... now only a few people actually know about this but I love to cut my hair! I have been doing it for about eleven years to be honest! When I was about six years old I would cut my dolls' hair, my hair and my brothers' hair! I don't know why or what it is but I love it! About a year ago however I cut my hair and I cut a lot off. I decided that I wasn't going to cut it anymore and let it grow out. I loved my hair when I did cut it, it was SUPER layered and light and cute and fun! However again I wanted long hair. I just am Not patient.
The other day my friend was saying how she needs a haircut and so I told her I would do it for her. I have cut my hair (which she loves my hair style) and I have cut my dad's, mom's, and one of my friends hair. Of course I did their hair when I was older and better trained they were all happy with their hair so she said she would let me cut it.
The night before she came over I was looking in the mirror after cleaning my room and decided I reeeeally needed my bangs trimmed. So I grabbed the scissors next to me and cut them just enough. Then I went on to trim up around my face becuase it needed framed again considering the layers were growing out. I didn't stop there. I had somehow just cut a ton of it off! I change my whole hair style and made it even more layered and it is really short in the front and long in the back. I love it but I wish it was long!!!! I don't regret it because I do look awesome its just when I curled my hair today it was almost to short to look good! Urrrg. Oh well, maybe one day I will learn.
Anyway my friend that came over wanted her hair cut short and layered. I did exactly what she wanted and she loved it! Her hair is so thick so it took forever to cut it! I posted a picture of her on Facebook and tagged her in it and I swear everyone who knew her commented; they all said they love it and that it looks great! I was very proud.
My aunt's husband owns a salon that is super high up and she was saying that I really do have a talent for this and she said that I can do better than people who are trained. I am always nervous, especially with bangs but several people said that Cutting hair is my calling.
P.S. My other weird obsession is blondes!! The guy I am dating currently has perfect white blonde hair and I LOVE running my fingers through it!!!! It drives me crazy!! {{@#$&*$!^*&#}} <3
The other day my friend was saying how she needs a haircut and so I told her I would do it for her. I have cut my hair (which she loves my hair style) and I have cut my dad's, mom's, and one of my friends hair. Of course I did their hair when I was older and better trained they were all happy with their hair so she said she would let me cut it.
The night before she came over I was looking in the mirror after cleaning my room and decided I reeeeally needed my bangs trimmed. So I grabbed the scissors next to me and cut them just enough. Then I went on to trim up around my face becuase it needed framed again considering the layers were growing out. I didn't stop there. I had somehow just cut a ton of it off! I change my whole hair style and made it even more layered and it is really short in the front and long in the back. I love it but I wish it was long!!!! I don't regret it because I do look awesome its just when I curled my hair today it was almost to short to look good! Urrrg. Oh well, maybe one day I will learn.
Anyway my friend that came over wanted her hair cut short and layered. I did exactly what she wanted and she loved it! Her hair is so thick so it took forever to cut it! I posted a picture of her on Facebook and tagged her in it and I swear everyone who knew her commented; they all said they love it and that it looks great! I was very proud.
My aunt's husband owns a salon that is super high up and she was saying that I really do have a talent for this and she said that I can do better than people who are trained. I am always nervous, especially with bangs but several people said that Cutting hair is my calling.
P.S. My other weird obsession is blondes!! The guy I am dating currently has perfect white blonde hair and I LOVE running my fingers through it!!!! It drives me crazy!! {{@#$&*$!^*&#}} <3
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Today's Society
Today's Society: If you aren't thin you're fat, if you're skinny you're anorexic. If you're quiet you're hiding something, if you're loud you're rude and opinionated. If you follow the celebrity drama you have no life, if you don't follow it you're lame. If you get good grades you're a teacher's pet, if you don't then you're screwed for life. If you kiss on the first date you're a whore, if you don't you're prude. There is no way to win, so just be yourself and don't listen to what anyone says.
My date.............
So the guy whose number I didn't save the other night, I found him on Facebook. He messaged me right after accepting and said "you never text me :(" so I told him what happened and then gave him my number. We talked all day and were talking about movies we both wanted to see- Percy Jackson Monsters of the Sea and then he just asked me to go and see it with him.
He came and picked me up and on our way to the theater we got soo lost due to the fact that I don't drive so I don't know where anything is and he doesn't even live in town. It was an adventure. We finally get there and there was like no one there! Literally there was only six people other than us there. It was nice.
The movie was really good I enjoyed it, although for most of the movie I was more concentrated on Kyle and him not holding my hand. When he finally did hold my hand... it was in such an awkward position for both of us, although now this is super cliche but our hands fit perfectly together. Its the small things! <3
After the awkwardness and when the movie was over he leaned in and it was like habit, it was natural to just kiss him. We kissed twice in the theater.
Afterward we held hands to the car and when we arrived at my house again he leaned in and this time it lead to more kisses. Then quickly make out. Nothing more than that, he was almost a little pushy but I told him exactly whats what and that I wasn't doing anything. However I didn't stop kissing him either. We were probably out in his car for a while and then I left and walked inside. He was nice enough to wait till I got inside to leave. This guy- Kyle really was a gentleman and he is Mormon just like I am.
So I go inside, change into bed clothes and then get some food because I am always hungry especially after being turned on (that's probably an over share but it's the truth). Then quickly I got on facebook because I noticed I had tons of notifications. After awhile Kyle messaged me... I had left my phone in his car!! I am glad he found it, and that I was online! So although he lives about 45 minutes away he turned around and is now currently on his way here to bring me my phone!!
The date was wonderful ultimately and I REEEALLY like him. He's super cute too! Oh aaaand he does Football!! <3
He came and picked me up and on our way to the theater we got soo lost due to the fact that I don't drive so I don't know where anything is and he doesn't even live in town. It was an adventure. We finally get there and there was like no one there! Literally there was only six people other than us there. It was nice.
The movie was really good I enjoyed it, although for most of the movie I was more concentrated on Kyle and him not holding my hand. When he finally did hold my hand... it was in such an awkward position for both of us, although now this is super cliche but our hands fit perfectly together. Its the small things! <3
After the awkwardness and when the movie was over he leaned in and it was like habit, it was natural to just kiss him. We kissed twice in the theater.
Afterward we held hands to the car and when we arrived at my house again he leaned in and this time it lead to more kisses. Then quickly make out. Nothing more than that, he was almost a little pushy but I told him exactly whats what and that I wasn't doing anything. However I didn't stop kissing him either. We were probably out in his car for a while and then I left and walked inside. He was nice enough to wait till I got inside to leave. This guy- Kyle really was a gentleman and he is Mormon just like I am.
So I go inside, change into bed clothes and then get some food because I am always hungry especially after being turned on (that's probably an over share but it's the truth). Then quickly I got on facebook because I noticed I had tons of notifications. After awhile Kyle messaged me... I had left my phone in his car!! I am glad he found it, and that I was online! So although he lives about 45 minutes away he turned around and is now currently on his way here to bring me my phone!!
The date was wonderful ultimately and I REEEALLY like him. He's super cute too! Oh aaaand he does Football!! <3
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Freaking out!!!!
Today was just an average day. I went to the lake with the family and fished a little. I was also able to meet my aunts new boyfriend and then I went to a church dance when I got home.
It was a casual dance, I was wearing light blue skinny jeans, a white graphic tee with "London" written on it and my light light jean jacket and my hair was up in a messy bun and my bangs were done straight across and I had on faded red lipstick.
I was excited for this dance however I didn't have my hopes up for it being that good, considering the last couple were not that great.
So I get there and see my friends from my ward- a great start! I was in the group and dancing and singing my heart out! I had so much fun! Then the first slow dance comes on and this REALLY cute blonde guy with dark eyebrows and gorgeous eyes walks up and asks me to dance. We hit it off wonderfully! We talked the whole slow dance and the next couple fast songs then we danced during another slow song! It was great, we joked around and were having fun. I even had one of my friends say that it seemed like he was into me!!!! So we hangout and dance for most of the rest of the time but a couple slow songs he asked other people- probably so he didn't seem weird, although we did dance for three slow songs and a bunch of regular songs. Anyway it seemed all the girls he danced with were interested in him. There was just something about him that couldn't be explained. He wasn't the "cool" kid who stands out but the way he smiled and talked to you just made you feel so special. He had an amazing laugh that made me feel like it was just the two of us there. I felt SOO comfortable around him which I usually am never comfortable here at church events.
We joked about everything and he made me laugh so much. He kept calling me lame though because all I do in the summer is school and work and I'm going to college but I don't have my license! It was all fun though and he made me feel like I was... me. Is that crazy?
This guy I just met made me feel just as I have been needing to feel for awhile.... I really did like him.
At the end of the dance event I gave everyone hugs and said my goodbyes and see-you-laters. I ran into this guy- Kyle on my way out and he turned to me and said bye and then he asked for my number but then quickly changed it to giving me his number. I wrote it down in my phone and was about to message him as I was walking out but decided to wait because I didn't want to seem desperate or whatever........ I walked away and then went to go save it when I found out I didn't save his number!!! I was sooooo mad! I was already on my way home and there was nothing I could do! When I got home, literally I was on the floor flopping around, saying how dumb I am!
I am so mad at myself! I really like him.
FML.
-_-
It was a casual dance, I was wearing light blue skinny jeans, a white graphic tee with "London" written on it and my light light jean jacket and my hair was up in a messy bun and my bangs were done straight across and I had on faded red lipstick.
I was excited for this dance however I didn't have my hopes up for it being that good, considering the last couple were not that great.
So I get there and see my friends from my ward- a great start! I was in the group and dancing and singing my heart out! I had so much fun! Then the first slow dance comes on and this REALLY cute blonde guy with dark eyebrows and gorgeous eyes walks up and asks me to dance. We hit it off wonderfully! We talked the whole slow dance and the next couple fast songs then we danced during another slow song! It was great, we joked around and were having fun. I even had one of my friends say that it seemed like he was into me!!!! So we hangout and dance for most of the rest of the time but a couple slow songs he asked other people- probably so he didn't seem weird, although we did dance for three slow songs and a bunch of regular songs. Anyway it seemed all the girls he danced with were interested in him. There was just something about him that couldn't be explained. He wasn't the "cool" kid who stands out but the way he smiled and talked to you just made you feel so special. He had an amazing laugh that made me feel like it was just the two of us there. I felt SOO comfortable around him which I usually am never comfortable here at church events.
We joked about everything and he made me laugh so much. He kept calling me lame though because all I do in the summer is school and work and I'm going to college but I don't have my license! It was all fun though and he made me feel like I was... me. Is that crazy?
This guy I just met made me feel just as I have been needing to feel for awhile.... I really did like him.
At the end of the dance event I gave everyone hugs and said my goodbyes and see-you-laters. I ran into this guy- Kyle on my way out and he turned to me and said bye and then he asked for my number but then quickly changed it to giving me his number. I wrote it down in my phone and was about to message him as I was walking out but decided to wait because I didn't want to seem desperate or whatever........ I walked away and then went to go save it when I found out I didn't save his number!!! I was sooooo mad! I was already on my way home and there was nothing I could do! When I got home, literally I was on the floor flopping around, saying how dumb I am!
I am so mad at myself! I really like him.
FML.
-_-
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Things going on
First of all I would like to say I am obsessed with the song 500 miles by The Proclaimers.
Secondly... this one I am ashamed of, but.... although I have a 99% in my first class for summer school and a 100% in my second, I am soo far behind!! I only have five more days of school and I have to do six whole chapters!!!!! I am going to be working so hard this week!
Lastly tonight I went to my friends house to watch Percy Jackson due to the fact that the second movie is coming out soon and there was a bunch of people there. It was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed it! There was this one guy though that was starring at me almost the whole time! He is like 15 and my younger cousin has a HUGE crush on him. His mom was kind enough to drive me home and the whole way Zach kept talking to me... it was really funny though and flattering.
Secondly... this one I am ashamed of, but.... although I have a 99% in my first class for summer school and a 100% in my second, I am soo far behind!! I only have five more days of school and I have to do six whole chapters!!!!! I am going to be working so hard this week!
Lastly tonight I went to my friends house to watch Percy Jackson due to the fact that the second movie is coming out soon and there was a bunch of people there. It was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed it! There was this one guy though that was starring at me almost the whole time! He is like 15 and my younger cousin has a HUGE crush on him. His mom was kind enough to drive me home and the whole way Zach kept talking to me... it was really funny though and flattering.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
A long, crazy, fun, stressful day trip
Yesterday I went on a day trip with the young women in my ward and the leaders. I have lived here for six months and this was the first major thing that I did with the group. I get along with most of them however this group of girls is soo uncontrollably, and obnoxiously loud; they don't have volume control. I am usually a pretty quiet an mellow person so being in the car with five other teenage girls, and two leaders that are just as loud can be overwhelming! The car ride to the water park we went to was about 2 and half hours there and 2 and half hours back. There was 16 teenage girls total and four leaders and one teenage boy.
The ride up there was uncomfortable for me... I had no idea what to say to anyone. I really haven't hung out with them that much so I didn't have inside jokes or memories to talk about like everyone else did. The car was never silent, the two girls sitting next to me were SOO loud and laughed at EVERYTHING!!! I don't know if they force themselves to laugh at all the stupid stuff they say or they really are high on life. I would try and laugh at what they said and I would add comments to things or I would try and make conversation about cute actors that everyone loves- nothing worked.
Then after that awkward-for-me ride up we were finally there! We had to be in groups, obviously, and I was paired with the two girls I sat next to on the way up. They are honestly hilarious girls and they have fun with everything it is just so hard for me to be me around them. Now there were tons of fun rides there and it was awesome to be out of the house and able to do something! I had fun- don't get me wrong, its just that I felt so left out almost the whole time!!! I tried everything.
After awhile we had lunch and I sat alone in the car and was yet again left alone even when I tried to sit next to the girls they left. I am like the ugly duckling in this story, but there is a happy ending. So after lunch I went on a couple more rides with the girls I was paired with and then I decided to get out of the water and put on some sunscreen. It took them about fifteen minutes to even realize that I had left. They got out of the pool and went on some rides, when they got off they realized I wasn't there... even the leader that was with them payed NO attention to me. It was hard. So after that when they came back one girl asked why I didn't go with them and then dragged me to a ride. I went on with them and then I decided I had enough. I went on a few rides alone.
Finally this girl that was in the other car noticed I was alone and had me hang out with them. This group of girls is so sweet and so it was much easier for me to get along. Rylie and I talked when we were in line and I made jokes and was starting to actually have a good time. I was with them from the rest of time because I was actually in their group.
Now after we were done there we went to In-N-Out Burger and got dinner. I felt a little better because the girls who had left me out the whole time had saved me a seat. We ate dinner and headed home on our long journey again- this I was dreading.
The way back for most of the time it went awesome! I was telling jokes and had more comments for everything and I shared all my music. Everyone- including the leaders really liked some of my music off of my phone. It really helped a lot.
All in all I had a lot of fun although right now I am in a lot of pain because I got sun burned so terribly bad, it was worth it and I know now that I am going to be able to be a little more comfortable with the group of girls. However after being with them for FOURTEEN HOURS I was exhausted and had more than enough!
The ride up there was uncomfortable for me... I had no idea what to say to anyone. I really haven't hung out with them that much so I didn't have inside jokes or memories to talk about like everyone else did. The car was never silent, the two girls sitting next to me were SOO loud and laughed at EVERYTHING!!! I don't know if they force themselves to laugh at all the stupid stuff they say or they really are high on life. I would try and laugh at what they said and I would add comments to things or I would try and make conversation about cute actors that everyone loves- nothing worked.
Then after that awkward-for-me ride up we were finally there! We had to be in groups, obviously, and I was paired with the two girls I sat next to on the way up. They are honestly hilarious girls and they have fun with everything it is just so hard for me to be me around them. Now there were tons of fun rides there and it was awesome to be out of the house and able to do something! I had fun- don't get me wrong, its just that I felt so left out almost the whole time!!! I tried everything.
After awhile we had lunch and I sat alone in the car and was yet again left alone even when I tried to sit next to the girls they left. I am like the ugly duckling in this story, but there is a happy ending. So after lunch I went on a couple more rides with the girls I was paired with and then I decided to get out of the water and put on some sunscreen. It took them about fifteen minutes to even realize that I had left. They got out of the pool and went on some rides, when they got off they realized I wasn't there... even the leader that was with them payed NO attention to me. It was hard. So after that when they came back one girl asked why I didn't go with them and then dragged me to a ride. I went on with them and then I decided I had enough. I went on a few rides alone.
Finally this girl that was in the other car noticed I was alone and had me hang out with them. This group of girls is so sweet and so it was much easier for me to get along. Rylie and I talked when we were in line and I made jokes and was starting to actually have a good time. I was with them from the rest of time because I was actually in their group.
Now after we were done there we went to In-N-Out Burger and got dinner. I felt a little better because the girls who had left me out the whole time had saved me a seat. We ate dinner and headed home on our long journey again- this I was dreading.
The way back for most of the time it went awesome! I was telling jokes and had more comments for everything and I shared all my music. Everyone- including the leaders really liked some of my music off of my phone. It really helped a lot.
All in all I had a lot of fun although right now I am in a lot of pain because I got sun burned so terribly bad, it was worth it and I know now that I am going to be able to be a little more comfortable with the group of girls. However after being with them for FOURTEEN HOURS I was exhausted and had more than enough!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
MY STYLE!!
Today my grandma went through all of her clothes and she was getting rid of a lot of them therefore I went through the bag and took some of her shirts. They were all too big for me and not my style but I up-cycled them and now I have some super cute clothes that I made!!
So this first one is an old long sleeve turtle neck that I turned into an over shirt vest thing and with the sleeves I made leg warmers!!! I love this outfit although it really is't something that I would normally wear it is so cute!
The next thing that I made was another vest but this one has a different design, it has the bows in the back and with the left over material I made a matching bow for my hair! This is super cute and I'm sure I will be rocking it a lot all year long!! It is a navy blue so it goes with everything I have pretty much!
So this first one is an old long sleeve turtle neck that I turned into an over shirt vest thing and with the sleeves I made leg warmers!!! I love this outfit although it really is't something that I would normally wear it is so cute!
Now this next one was just an experiment and I don't know if I like how it turned out but it is a graphic tee that was super large but I liked what it said: "I'd rather be in my garage"
Thursday, July 25, 2013
My goals before school
Before school starts there are some simple, some crazy, and some typical things I want to do.
First off all I want to color part of my hair a crazy color like green. I'm actually doing this on Monday, I'm putting swipes of green into my hair but it washes out after like two or three times.
Now this one I am working on all summer but I want to loose two pant sizes.. I don't know if I worded that right.. but I am doing ab workouts in the morning and leg workouts at night and then I am taking the dogs on walks or riding my bike during the day to help. I am not fat at all; I am 5 foot 3 inches which is just below average and I weigh 130 pounds which is maybe a little more than what I should weigh, I don't know. I am mostly comfortable with my body... I say mostly because I like my figure but I personally feel like I have bigger thighs than I want or even should have. So I currently wear a size 7 in jeans and thats about what my dress size is and I want to be a size 5. That is my main goal but we'll see... Wish me luck and if you have any ideas on how to achieve this... PLEASE TELL ME!!!
Another thing I want is more of a need and common sense but I want to finish all of my summer classes early because I need to get it done and out of the way. Also what goes with that is I NEED to get a real job. I love babysitting, its tons of fun but it just isn't cutting it- I don't make enough and I have to pay for my Alaska trip plus college.... Now I have applied TONS of places soo we can only hope. Tomorrow I will be calling all the places and checking up on the jobs.
Lastly I want to really get along with some of my family. Now my mother and I don't always get along, but I want to work on that. I also do not at all get along with one of my cousins and her mom, my aunt... I try to get along with them honestly but its REALLY hard when the first thing they do when the come here is take over the computer and put on annoying music that no one likes even when I am obviously in the middle of school and I just stepped away! It annoys me sooo much that you have to log out of my account when I'm still on it!!! Also it is really really hard when you and your mother think your better than everyone and that your schedule is most important. Lastly its hard because my aunt EVERY TIME she sees me without makeup she has to say how I look tired... it really doesn't help my confidence about my natural beauty...
Anyway though I want to get along with them before because I am going on my cruise to Alaska with them and I have to share a room with them.......
And maybe get tan...
Anyway so those are my goals for the summer!! :D
First off all I want to color part of my hair a crazy color like green. I'm actually doing this on Monday, I'm putting swipes of green into my hair but it washes out after like two or three times.
Now this one I am working on all summer but I want to loose two pant sizes.. I don't know if I worded that right.. but I am doing ab workouts in the morning and leg workouts at night and then I am taking the dogs on walks or riding my bike during the day to help. I am not fat at all; I am 5 foot 3 inches which is just below average and I weigh 130 pounds which is maybe a little more than what I should weigh, I don't know. I am mostly comfortable with my body... I say mostly because I like my figure but I personally feel like I have bigger thighs than I want or even should have. So I currently wear a size 7 in jeans and thats about what my dress size is and I want to be a size 5. That is my main goal but we'll see... Wish me luck and if you have any ideas on how to achieve this... PLEASE TELL ME!!!
Another thing I want is more of a need and common sense but I want to finish all of my summer classes early because I need to get it done and out of the way. Also what goes with that is I NEED to get a real job. I love babysitting, its tons of fun but it just isn't cutting it- I don't make enough and I have to pay for my Alaska trip plus college.... Now I have applied TONS of places soo we can only hope. Tomorrow I will be calling all the places and checking up on the jobs.
Lastly I want to really get along with some of my family. Now my mother and I don't always get along, but I want to work on that. I also do not at all get along with one of my cousins and her mom, my aunt... I try to get along with them honestly but its REALLY hard when the first thing they do when the come here is take over the computer and put on annoying music that no one likes even when I am obviously in the middle of school and I just stepped away! It annoys me sooo much that you have to log out of my account when I'm still on it!!! Also it is really really hard when you and your mother think your better than everyone and that your schedule is most important. Lastly its hard because my aunt EVERY TIME she sees me without makeup she has to say how I look tired... it really doesn't help my confidence about my natural beauty...
Anyway though I want to get along with them before because I am going on my cruise to Alaska with them and I have to share a room with them.......
And maybe get tan...
Anyway so those are my goals for the summer!! :D
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Coincidence or fate?
Dear Ryan Fisher,
I made you up. I have never even heard your name! You want to know how I came up with your name? I tried lots of names... I couldn't do a name that I already had past with. I searched names in my facebook to see if I was friends with a lot of people by certain names. I didn't want the last name to be obviously made up like Smith or Johnson- it had to blend in and be normal. I can't remember the other names but I tried one and I searched it and it ended up being some singer that I have never heard of but had millions of fans. Ryan. I have always liked that name. Fisher. I honestly came up with your name by typing random letters into facebook and when I clicked 'F' someone with that last name came up. I loved the ring to your name right away and so it was. Ryan Fisher. That is how your name came to be.
Now recently I have been told some crazy news... you are apparently real. No, you aren't a famous singer with millions of fans but you went to Crater High School and shortly before I started you left. Someone from my school that read my blog informed me of this. They also informed me that you are blonde with blue eyes... that is the way I described my fake boyfriend! This is just soo shocking! Apparently more than a few people that I hangout with knew you too!!!
My best friend from Nevada says that we are meant to be, my dear Ryan Fisher... if you are out there I want you know this is not something that happens to me often! I have done something so crazy as makeup a boyfriend. Ha! This is a crazy coincidence! That is what I am calling it for now. Although my dear friend, bless her heart, believes that one day I am going to meet you and that we are meant for each other-- like something out of a book or movie.
Ryan Fisher I want to meet you.
P.S. Ryan Fisher, I am not crazy, (all the time) I swear! You aren't suppose to be real.
Monday, July 22, 2013
Challenge Accepted
I started a workout routine yesterday and I am determined to do it for the full length of time which is thirty days. From this workout I am looking for abs. Those are the main thing that I will be working.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Interesting NEWS
Today I went fishing at this lake that everyone goes to around here because its a hundred degrees and no one wants to drive somewhere to do something, plus its too hot to do anything! It was all fun though! There were some good looking guys about my age there... too bad I didn't wear my bathing suit though. I didn't wear it because I wasn't in the mood to swim, all I wanted to do was take pictures and I got some great ones!! So while I was out fishing and taking pictures my sister got what would have been the most exciting news of her life! This guy that she is interested in... or was... lives in Italy and he is practically obsessed with my big sister (of course can you blame him?! She's gorgeous and soo sweet and funny) but today apparently he crossed the line... he sent a picture of an engagement ring and asked for marriage. Now I would be SOO excited for her. I mean he is extremely good looking and he could make her very happy however my sister is only 17 and he is 21. I know that just screams bad news!
I love my sister to death and I want the best for her! I told her that if she really wanted I wouldn't go to Alaska and would save the money and go to Italy with her to go and get her prince charming and have them get married... however she wasn't too fond of the idea. I understand though!! I know I would freak out if I was in that situation!!! Now it would have been the most exciting thing of her life if one she was 30 years old and two if he lived here and I could actually approve. (Just so you know she has met him it's not just some creeper saying its a hot Italian guy, its also her cousin's best friend so her cousin tells her updates on him and stuff.. don't worry she wouldn't let just anyone fall in love with her.)
So that is what happened today... as my sister got asked for her hand in marriage I went fishing with my dad and aunt and checked out some cuties in the lake. Typical day for both of us it seems. It's like when my best friend Sophie had her pageant, it was the same day my sister and her parents opened their store... that was the day that I went fishing at some other lake.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
My Movie Moments
So everyone has had movie moments in their life, whether it is making up a fake boyfriend and needing to find a guy to play the role of this fictional boyfriend or maybe its having a cute guy pick you out when at an event.
My movie moment that I'm going to talk about is when I went ice skating with some friends and came home with a really cute guy's number.
My two best friends (Ashley my sister, and Sophie) and I went ice skating one night. Ice skating in Nevada is the only thing to do in the winter time, and we did it a lot (at least Sophie and I)! I remember there wasn't a ton of people there that night ice skating, it was a pretty cold night. There was however one really, really cute guy there that we all had noticed at different points. He was jaw dropping cute! He was wearing a leather jacket and had a perfect smile, plus he was helping his little sister skate, which was so sweet! So at one point we all were standing on the ramp in a line talking when this boy and his little sister walked up. We all saw him start to walk up and my friends looked in different directions but I couldn't stop looking at him... He saw me staring and when he walked by us he flashed a smile right at me. Ashley and Sophie both saw and my sis gave me crap for staring but I remember Sophie being all excited.
So I figured whatever, it was just a smile but when we got back on the ice this guy came up from behind us and looked right at me and said "Are you guys having fun?" with a great big grin on his face. My friends just smiled and nodded and I said "Yes." also with a big smile. Then he skated off to his sister. Of course Ash and Sophie told me I had to go and talk to him and my response I believe was something like "No, he was talking to all of us, not just me." but I remember Sophie literally pushing me into him. (Good thing I am good at ice skating...)
I felt so dumb and didn't know what to say but I couldn't stop smiling in the presence of this hottie! I asked him the same thing he asked us which made me feel dumb but then we just started talking and really hit it off! However I do remember at one point I said "I thought you would've been talking to my friend Sophie- shes tall, dark haired and gorgeous or my sister- she has a smile that lights up the room and the prettiest eyes but he said I was the one he wanted to talk to.
Everything was soo wonderful!
We talked the whole time after that- which was like two hours I think and I just left my friends but they said they were happy. Haha. He asked for my number when we were putting our skates back and when I got home I watched the phone for hours! I was freaking out that I had given him the wrong number or that he couldn't read it because my hands were so cold but eventually he text me. His name was Traysen and we started dating not too long after that night. I met ALL of his friends and most said that he was more engaged with me than he ever had been with any other girlfriend. He was simply wonderful... except for the fact that he smoked... and drank... and got me into BIG trouble once or twice.
When I dated him I was practically obsessed with him. I always wanted to hangout and he was a fantastic kisser!! I would practically freak out when he had work and didn't call me which is weird because I never did that! I usually didn't care and never was clingy. I liked him soooo much, but he was so bad for me, and so perfect at the same time.
We only dated for like a month and then when I was in Oregon visiting for Christmas I found our he had a FWB and I was sortta mad and ended it. Which then led me to my next boyfriend. Tyler. Traysen introduced us and we hit it off right away as well.. in fact Tyler and I went ice skating when Traysen and I were still dating but we were just friends then when I ended it, Tyler was there. Tyler was worse than Traysen!! He smoked, partied, and has dated every girl that I went to school with. I didn't have nearly as much fun with him. He was a college boy though so he was higher up on the scale but he wasn't near as cute. Then Tyler also cheated on me but I wasn't really mad. I didn't even care, I knew he would. Plus I was moving to a different state. The girl he cheated on me with Kayla- I actually introduced them... and now they are actually getting married soon!
So if I didn't date and break up with Traysen I wouldn't have met Tyler, which then wouldn't have met Kayla and then they wouldn't be engaged right now........
My movie moment that I'm going to talk about is when I went ice skating with some friends and came home with a really cute guy's number.
My two best friends (Ashley my sister, and Sophie) and I went ice skating one night. Ice skating in Nevada is the only thing to do in the winter time, and we did it a lot (at least Sophie and I)! I remember there wasn't a ton of people there that night ice skating, it was a pretty cold night. There was however one really, really cute guy there that we all had noticed at different points. He was jaw dropping cute! He was wearing a leather jacket and had a perfect smile, plus he was helping his little sister skate, which was so sweet! So at one point we all were standing on the ramp in a line talking when this boy and his little sister walked up. We all saw him start to walk up and my friends looked in different directions but I couldn't stop looking at him... He saw me staring and when he walked by us he flashed a smile right at me. Ashley and Sophie both saw and my sis gave me crap for staring but I remember Sophie being all excited.
So I figured whatever, it was just a smile but when we got back on the ice this guy came up from behind us and looked right at me and said "Are you guys having fun?" with a great big grin on his face. My friends just smiled and nodded and I said "Yes." also with a big smile. Then he skated off to his sister. Of course Ash and Sophie told me I had to go and talk to him and my response I believe was something like "No, he was talking to all of us, not just me." but I remember Sophie literally pushing me into him. (Good thing I am good at ice skating...)
I felt so dumb and didn't know what to say but I couldn't stop smiling in the presence of this hottie! I asked him the same thing he asked us which made me feel dumb but then we just started talking and really hit it off! However I do remember at one point I said "I thought you would've been talking to my friend Sophie- shes tall, dark haired and gorgeous or my sister- she has a smile that lights up the room and the prettiest eyes but he said I was the one he wanted to talk to.
Everything was soo wonderful!
We talked the whole time after that- which was like two hours I think and I just left my friends but they said they were happy. Haha. He asked for my number when we were putting our skates back and when I got home I watched the phone for hours! I was freaking out that I had given him the wrong number or that he couldn't read it because my hands were so cold but eventually he text me. His name was Traysen and we started dating not too long after that night. I met ALL of his friends and most said that he was more engaged with me than he ever had been with any other girlfriend. He was simply wonderful... except for the fact that he smoked... and drank... and got me into BIG trouble once or twice.
When I dated him I was practically obsessed with him. I always wanted to hangout and he was a fantastic kisser!! I would practically freak out when he had work and didn't call me which is weird because I never did that! I usually didn't care and never was clingy. I liked him soooo much, but he was so bad for me, and so perfect at the same time.
We only dated for like a month and then when I was in Oregon visiting for Christmas I found our he had a FWB and I was sortta mad and ended it. Which then led me to my next boyfriend. Tyler. Traysen introduced us and we hit it off right away as well.. in fact Tyler and I went ice skating when Traysen and I were still dating but we were just friends then when I ended it, Tyler was there. Tyler was worse than Traysen!! He smoked, partied, and has dated every girl that I went to school with. I didn't have nearly as much fun with him. He was a college boy though so he was higher up on the scale but he wasn't near as cute. Then Tyler also cheated on me but I wasn't really mad. I didn't even care, I knew he would. Plus I was moving to a different state. The girl he cheated on me with Kayla- I actually introduced them... and now they are actually getting married soon!
So if I didn't date and break up with Traysen I wouldn't have met Tyler, which then wouldn't have met Kayla and then they wouldn't be engaged right now........
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Ryan Fisher... my perfect Fake boyfriend
Ryan Fisher: the tall handsome smart college boy of my dreams... you are only mine... you don't exist.
I made you up. I made my boyfriend up...
Remember that problem I was having with all these dumb boys hitting on me constantly? I told myself I was going to do something about it; and therefore I did do something.
It started with a change on Facebook- from "single" to "In a relationship" but I had to keep the story going for it to work so when people (guys) asked I said his name is Ryan and we met at the college when I got my schedule. I told people (guys) that he helped me around the school and gave me his number in case I got lost again and we just really hit it off (thanks to my sister for the great story!).
Then every time Nick would call I would just talk about how great things are going with us and how he was taking me to dinner or a movie so I could never talk to long because obviously I have work all day then I get home and then Ryan Fisher and I hangout.
I really think this was a great idea and it has been working wonderfully! I just hope that no one ever wants to meet him...
I made you up. I made my boyfriend up...
Remember that problem I was having with all these dumb boys hitting on me constantly? I told myself I was going to do something about it; and therefore I did do something.
It started with a change on Facebook- from "single" to "In a relationship" but I had to keep the story going for it to work so when people (guys) asked I said his name is Ryan and we met at the college when I got my schedule. I told people (guys) that he helped me around the school and gave me his number in case I got lost again and we just really hit it off (thanks to my sister for the great story!).
Then every time Nick would call I would just talk about how great things are going with us and how he was taking me to dinner or a movie so I could never talk to long because obviously I have work all day then I get home and then Ryan Fisher and I hangout.
I really think this was a great idea and it has been working wonderfully! I just hope that no one ever wants to meet him...
Monday, July 15, 2013
Things currently going on
First of all I want to say Nick please give it a break! You have a girlfriend so give her more attention and stop calling me everyday. I like to talk to you and be friends with you but.. come on! Stop saying that you love me and that we would be perfect together if I just gave you a chance. Like I said you DO have a girlfriend and you're too old for me. I don't mean to hurt him- I have told him every time he talks to me that way just sometimes it becomes too much and I want to strangle him, but I'm always nice. Ignoring you hasn't work now I have to actually talk to you because this is enough......
Secondly my whole room is put together!
Third.... I love the movie Hotel Transylvania!
Secondly my whole room is put together!
Third.... I love the movie Hotel Transylvania!
Sunday, July 14, 2013
10 Things I ACTUALLY like
1. Blonde guys (I find them soo attractive)
2. Orange Juice (It comforts me)
3. Ice cream (Its good for any emotion)
4. MUSIC (You can never go wrong with music <3 )
5. Nature (True beauty)
6. Sleep (I can never get enough)
7. Photography (Moments can last forever)
8. Art (Simple things become extraordinary)
9. My family (They are ALL so loving)
10. My style (No one has the same style as me!)
2. Orange Juice (It comforts me)
3. Ice cream (Its good for any emotion)
4. MUSIC (You can never go wrong with music <3 )
5. Nature (True beauty)
6. Sleep (I can never get enough)
7. Photography (Moments can last forever)
8. Art (Simple things become extraordinary)
9. My family (They are ALL so loving)
10. My style (No one has the same style as me!)
I don't know who I am....
I am who I am. Sometimes.
I am who I am when I want to be... When my dad isn't telling me that I need to go to college and be a chef with a restaurant so he could work there and do what he has always wanted; When people from church aren't judging me because I dress differently and try too hard. I can never relax around them. I am who I want to be when my mother isn't constantly criticizing what makes me. I am who I want to be when I'm not overly stressed because of college and money.
Truth is though I really don't know who I am. I know I am only 17 years old but I worry and think about these small details of who am I and who do I want to be? No one else my age does this however. I don't even know who I am when I'm alone because I'm so caught up in the fact that I'm behind in my summer classes; I'm caught up in the fact that I'm not getting paid enough and won't make enough money for my trip, and I'm caught up because simply I am not who I want to be. I want to be some supermodel, flirty, girl that has great stories and everyone including girls like me as a person. I am not the life of the party. Ever. I am the girl in the corner who sings to herself and bounces on her feet- I can't even keep a beat. I don't know who I am without my best friends from Nevada. They were my everything, I talked to them about everything everyday and now all I have is my dad (which he is amazing, don't get me wrong! Sometimes I just need a girl to talk to about girl things).
Most people think I have everything figured out and that I am so smart because I got a scholarship and I will be successful. Yes, I have a "plan" I know what I think I want to do. I am going to RCC for one year just to finish high school then I'm going to SOU for four years in Business and Accounting then I'm going to major in Culinary Arts in San Francisco. This is my plan. It has been my plan for years now.
I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO I AM!! ASAP!
I'm tired of this cranky, stressed out person I have been lately. I also have been getting hurt a lot more than usual too. Tomorrow I am going to get a blessing... my first step in helping myself.
I am who I am when I want to be... When my dad isn't telling me that I need to go to college and be a chef with a restaurant so he could work there and do what he has always wanted; When people from church aren't judging me because I dress differently and try too hard. I can never relax around them. I am who I want to be when my mother isn't constantly criticizing what makes me. I am who I want to be when I'm not overly stressed because of college and money.
Truth is though I really don't know who I am. I know I am only 17 years old but I worry and think about these small details of who am I and who do I want to be? No one else my age does this however. I don't even know who I am when I'm alone because I'm so caught up in the fact that I'm behind in my summer classes; I'm caught up in the fact that I'm not getting paid enough and won't make enough money for my trip, and I'm caught up because simply I am not who I want to be. I want to be some supermodel, flirty, girl that has great stories and everyone including girls like me as a person. I am not the life of the party. Ever. I am the girl in the corner who sings to herself and bounces on her feet- I can't even keep a beat. I don't know who I am without my best friends from Nevada. They were my everything, I talked to them about everything everyday and now all I have is my dad (which he is amazing, don't get me wrong! Sometimes I just need a girl to talk to about girl things).
Most people think I have everything figured out and that I am so smart because I got a scholarship and I will be successful. Yes, I have a "plan" I know what I think I want to do. I am going to RCC for one year just to finish high school then I'm going to SOU for four years in Business and Accounting then I'm going to major in Culinary Arts in San Francisco. This is my plan. It has been my plan for years now.
I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO I AM!! ASAP!
I'm tired of this cranky, stressed out person I have been lately. I also have been getting hurt a lot more than usual too. Tomorrow I am going to get a blessing... my first step in helping myself.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
The questions I always ask...
What is love? Who are you to decide what it is and also who is to decide what is right when it comes to love?
There has been a lot of news about gay marriage.. I will speak honestly; I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints- most people know me as a Mormon. In my church gays are not recognized, it is "wrong" and "not god like" to be that way. I take a different stand point though. Now I don't want people to make judgments about us though; don't get me wrong we will always love and accept people from all sorts. We as a united religion try not to judge and to accept everyone and to love everyone.
I believe that being gay or bi or straight isn't a choice but a feeling. I know that some people don't like the taste of chocolate... it isn't a choice to hate chocolate or other sweets it just come naturally to them; they may like fruit better and who is to say what they feel or like or know what they want is wrong?? That is my stand point.
Why is it that old people drive so slow? Is it just simply because they are old and don't know any better or maybe its because they have had such a long and hard life full of traumatic incidents that they want to be sure to drive safe.
Now this question is a little bit confusing but Do I see the same things you do? Like I know we both have been taught that the sky is blue and that tigers have black stripes but the color you have been taught is black is that the color I would see as pink?? (This doesn't really apply to people that are color blind)
I know that everyone sees the same thing differently. For example some people find me attractive and others not at all, its because they see me "differently" but what causes one average guy to look past me and the next one to fall head over heels? Its not just about me either but simple details like the gold trim on my DC shoes or the way the sun looks when it comes up. These things go unnoticed sometimes but why? How?
There has been a lot of news about gay marriage.. I will speak honestly; I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints- most people know me as a Mormon. In my church gays are not recognized, it is "wrong" and "not god like" to be that way. I take a different stand point though. Now I don't want people to make judgments about us though; don't get me wrong we will always love and accept people from all sorts. We as a united religion try not to judge and to accept everyone and to love everyone.
I believe that being gay or bi or straight isn't a choice but a feeling. I know that some people don't like the taste of chocolate... it isn't a choice to hate chocolate or other sweets it just come naturally to them; they may like fruit better and who is to say what they feel or like or know what they want is wrong?? That is my stand point.
Why is it that old people drive so slow? Is it just simply because they are old and don't know any better or maybe its because they have had such a long and hard life full of traumatic incidents that they want to be sure to drive safe.
Now this question is a little bit confusing but Do I see the same things you do? Like I know we both have been taught that the sky is blue and that tigers have black stripes but the color you have been taught is black is that the color I would see as pink?? (This doesn't really apply to people that are color blind)
I know that everyone sees the same thing differently. For example some people find me attractive and others not at all, its because they see me "differently" but what causes one average guy to look past me and the next one to fall head over heels? Its not just about me either but simple details like the gold trim on my DC shoes or the way the sun looks when it comes up. These things go unnoticed sometimes but why? How?
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
First Love
I know what is wrong with me... I never let go of things. I hold on to them. It isn't always a bad thing just sometimes it tires you down. I recently was looking at old pictures and remembering the good times- missing the great moments! I do miss a lot of things. My first love. I miss him... it sounds crazy! But he was the first- and the only person I said those three precious words of passion: "I Love You". I did or thought I did and... think I still do? I don't know what is going on with me but when I saw his picture I felt so happy and warm and giggly and still can't stop smiling... just like the first time he kissed me. It was my first kiss. It wasn't the best but they got better after that first awkward moment in his bedroom. I remember it like it was yesterday. He lived right across the street from me and that one summer we hung out ALL the time and did everything together. Together. We were together.
His parents were cool and really liked me, I loved going over there and he was always at my house as well. It was the year my parents were getting a divorce so it was just my mom and I living there because my two brothers were in Washington and my father was in Oregon. Seth would be over at my house at ten or eleven at night because we would watch the stars or we would watch a movie. It's funny too because he was always at my house before I met him, he was helping my mom with a lot of things around the house or cut wood and stuff when everyone was gone. She is the one who introduced us and wanted something to happen.
When my brother got home and found out all about him he was furious! He threatened him and all this crap and told him to leave and never come to our house again. Seth would still come over sometimes but my dumb brother fed him the same speech each time. Then we moved.
When I came back to visit I stopped by his house and talked with his parents; he came out and was surprised to see me. He also said I looked really good and stuff. I remember and regret this- he walked me home and we just talked and got caught up again but when he asked for a hug I said "No, because you are a bad boy and I don't hug bad boys." I still remember that! I was so mad at myself. I thought that he would still hug me or something or see right through me but he just turned and walked away and that was the last time I talked to him...
His parents were cool and really liked me, I loved going over there and he was always at my house as well. It was the year my parents were getting a divorce so it was just my mom and I living there because my two brothers were in Washington and my father was in Oregon. Seth would be over at my house at ten or eleven at night because we would watch the stars or we would watch a movie. It's funny too because he was always at my house before I met him, he was helping my mom with a lot of things around the house or cut wood and stuff when everyone was gone. She is the one who introduced us and wanted something to happen.
When my brother got home and found out all about him he was furious! He threatened him and all this crap and told him to leave and never come to our house again. Seth would still come over sometimes but my dumb brother fed him the same speech each time. Then we moved.
When I came back to visit I stopped by his house and talked with his parents; he came out and was surprised to see me. He also said I looked really good and stuff. I remember and regret this- he walked me home and we just talked and got caught up again but when he asked for a hug I said "No, because you are a bad boy and I don't hug bad boys." I still remember that! I was so mad at myself. I thought that he would still hug me or something or see right through me but he just turned and walked away and that was the last time I talked to him...
Finally!
This may sound ridiculous but I have had no luck with finding a friend that is a girl and that I can just be myself around! For girls especially in high school it is important to find someone you can be totally dorky around and talk about boys to. I had two amazing friends where I moved from and I love them dearly; in fact I miss them all the time!! My one friend Ashley I considered as my sister and we convinced everyone that we were half sisters by the time we got to our Junior year- we started this white lie in Seventh grade! That's how close we are and have been. We just got along perfectly and knew each others' flaws and still love each other for them! I am so terrible at keeping in contact with old friends but not with her even if I don't tell her something for months we always know when something is wrong and when we need to talk. My other friend Sophia is gorgeous. She is the tall, skinny dark haired beauty everyone loves! In fact shes in a pageant and everything! I love this girl to death as well and all though she has amazing and classy style she is a crazy, dorky, awkward girl.
Since I have been here I have been unable to find someone like these two amazing people that I have known all of my social life pretty much! I have hung out with a couple girls here and there but none of them I have really clicked to. In fact at my birthday party there were like eight guys and three girls- two girls were the girlfriends of guys I hang out with and the other girl I just invited to be nice.
Anyway lately I have been feeling lonely although none of my guy friends will leave me alone... I need some girl time!
Finally I have found it though! A girl I go to church with is super cute and is friends with EVERYONE! She is so sweet so I called her up and we have already gotten along so wonderfully therefore we are going to go roller skating and then to a dance the night after! I cant wait!! It's going to be fun and I can tell I'm going to be good friends with her.
:)
Since I have been here I have been unable to find someone like these two amazing people that I have known all of my social life pretty much! I have hung out with a couple girls here and there but none of them I have really clicked to. In fact at my birthday party there were like eight guys and three girls- two girls were the girlfriends of guys I hang out with and the other girl I just invited to be nice.
Anyway lately I have been feeling lonely although none of my guy friends will leave me alone... I need some girl time!
Finally I have found it though! A girl I go to church with is super cute and is friends with EVERYONE! She is so sweet so I called her up and we have already gotten along so wonderfully therefore we are going to go roller skating and then to a dance the night after! I cant wait!! It's going to be fun and I can tell I'm going to be good friends with her.
:)
Sunday, July 7, 2013
My style
I have a very diverse style. Some days I wear red lipstick and a hat, other days I wear a cute light colored dress and some flats but recently I have been wanting to wear aviator glasses and my high heels! ^_^
I love to keep it fresh and mix it up! Today I wore THE CUTEST outfit ever!! I had on a grey plaid skirt with blue and grey stripes and then tiny black and white ones. For my blouse I chose to wear a blue that matched and my blue shirt was lace so you could see through it, therefore under I had a purple tank top that matched the skirt. I had earrings that happened to match Perfectly as well and then I had my hair in a sock bun and kept my bangs straight across. I had on black nylons and my favorite grey heels; my heels are retro looking almost... I will Have to post a picture of my outfit!!
I loved it so much and got lots of compliments but I'm mentioning it because I never wear the skirt or really the shirt, ha I hardly wear those shoes. They all just sit in my room because it isn't my usual style but when you go out of your comfort zone a little you may find you like the change! Plus lots of people notice!
When putting together your next outfit match things together and pick one thing you really want to pop such as your shoes or even your facial features and focus on that. Another tip if you are wearing something you are not used to just smile a little or add your own usual style to the new style. Be comfortable with yourself is the most important thing, and have fun!
I love to keep it fresh and mix it up! Today I wore THE CUTEST outfit ever!! I had on a grey plaid skirt with blue and grey stripes and then tiny black and white ones. For my blouse I chose to wear a blue that matched and my blue shirt was lace so you could see through it, therefore under I had a purple tank top that matched the skirt. I had earrings that happened to match Perfectly as well and then I had my hair in a sock bun and kept my bangs straight across. I had on black nylons and my favorite grey heels; my heels are retro looking almost... I will Have to post a picture of my outfit!!
I loved it so much and got lots of compliments but I'm mentioning it because I never wear the skirt or really the shirt, ha I hardly wear those shoes. They all just sit in my room because it isn't my usual style but when you go out of your comfort zone a little you may find you like the change! Plus lots of people notice!
When putting together your next outfit match things together and pick one thing you really want to pop such as your shoes or even your facial features and focus on that. Another tip if you are wearing something you are not used to just smile a little or add your own usual style to the new style. Be comfortable with yourself is the most important thing, and have fun!
Friday, July 5, 2013
MANY BOYS..........
So today I hung out with my best friend... my guy best friend and he asked me out; which he has done many times but today was a little different... I think I am starting to fall for my ridiculous, dorky, weird friend who is constantly hitting on me. He's crazy! He's funny! He's just Alex. He's everything I want but he most certainly isn't what I want! Do you know? It is confusing.
What I think I want and what I tell others I want is right in front of me in the shape of a scrawny white boy that has red hair... it has been extremely difficult for me to realize that I might actually like this kid!
On another note my other guy friend- that has a girlfriend, is hitting on me like none other! He's already offered to make me dinner, anything I want. Also he tells me how he can't hangout with me and my guy friends because he gets jealous and will want to fight them..... Kill me?! Why does this always happen to me? I tell him no all the time.......... really Nick? Ugh.
On top of that my stalker is talking to me again. He is insane and very persistent as well as the other guys. One time I went camping and he was at the same place! Camped right across from me! It was a coincidence, but still!
I have serious issues!!! Every guy I like I scare away, and then every other guy I talk to I don't act cute or do ANY thing special and they all fall for me it seems.....
Anyone want to help me and give me advice on how to keep the guys I like and keep the guys who like me away.
What I think I want and what I tell others I want is right in front of me in the shape of a scrawny white boy that has red hair... it has been extremely difficult for me to realize that I might actually like this kid!
On another note my other guy friend- that has a girlfriend, is hitting on me like none other! He's already offered to make me dinner, anything I want. Also he tells me how he can't hangout with me and my guy friends because he gets jealous and will want to fight them..... Kill me?! Why does this always happen to me? I tell him no all the time.......... really Nick? Ugh.
On top of that my stalker is talking to me again. He is insane and very persistent as well as the other guys. One time I went camping and he was at the same place! Camped right across from me! It was a coincidence, but still!
I have serious issues!!! Every guy I like I scare away, and then every other guy I talk to I don't act cute or do ANY thing special and they all fall for me it seems.....
Anyone want to help me and give me advice on how to keep the guys I like and keep the guys who like me away.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!
So today something weird happened... my friend got threatened on facebook because he was posting conservative things! I find it funny although I share a lot of the same views I don't feel the need to blow up my wall with it. There is a time and a place for those kinds of things but also people shouldn't get so defensive. I guess some liberal reported him saying he was posting hate stuff but its all a bunch of BS... it was still weird that he actually got a notice that he had to stop posting those things or he would be blocked from facebook!! Who would have thought... its really ironic because there are always people posting half naked pictures of girls or celebrities on Facebook and then there is the dirty comics and nasty "pick up lines" but no one stops them.... WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?!
Dating Tips
When you think you're interested in someone some important things to remember before making a move is "Who am I?" and "Why do I like this person?" Trust me it sounds silly but it helps progress.
Obviously if you don't know the person a whole lot you like them because of simple things like their looks or the way the smile and laugh or maybe just the way they carry themselves.
These are all very important to make YOU more approachable and also helps to get noticed. ;)
First when you notice someone and you want to know more or talk or do whatever you need to be confident! If this is a spur of the moment thing then go with it! You wont have time to prep yourself or back out which is good. You need to be SMOOTH, act NATURAL and when you start the conversation say something simple such as "Wow, it is such a warm, beautiful night" this statement shows that you can observe things around you and such or you could complement the person but for a first compliment you want to compliment above the neck such as eyes because you don't want to come off as you have been checking out the person.
Confidence is Key! You need to be smooth and when you say something stupid or trip over your words because you're nervous then you need to be able to laugh it off! This is important for girls and guys. Funny people are always so attractive. Ask anyone.
Be yourself! This is also important because people can sense when you are trying too hard or are making up stuff and that just can get awkward and very uncomfortable very easily.
When talking to someone be sure not to say too much at a time. You want the person to be intrigued and want to ask questions for example "Today was such a long day at work, but I love what I do." that makes the person want to ask what your job is or you could say "I can't wait for September- I will be able to do what I've always wanted to do" keep it simple and they will want to know more if they are interested.
Keep calm and Keep dating!
If the first person doesn't like you try again- its about putting yourself out there and wanting to meet people. Not everyone you meet is going to love you-- Trust me, we all know this.
Obviously if you don't know the person a whole lot you like them because of simple things like their looks or the way the smile and laugh or maybe just the way they carry themselves.
These are all very important to make YOU more approachable and also helps to get noticed. ;)
First when you notice someone and you want to know more or talk or do whatever you need to be confident! If this is a spur of the moment thing then go with it! You wont have time to prep yourself or back out which is good. You need to be SMOOTH, act NATURAL and when you start the conversation say something simple such as "Wow, it is such a warm, beautiful night" this statement shows that you can observe things around you and such or you could complement the person but for a first compliment you want to compliment above the neck such as eyes because you don't want to come off as you have been checking out the person.
Confidence is Key! You need to be smooth and when you say something stupid or trip over your words because you're nervous then you need to be able to laugh it off! This is important for girls and guys. Funny people are always so attractive. Ask anyone.
Be yourself! This is also important because people can sense when you are trying too hard or are making up stuff and that just can get awkward and very uncomfortable very easily.
When talking to someone be sure not to say too much at a time. You want the person to be intrigued and want to ask questions for example "Today was such a long day at work, but I love what I do." that makes the person want to ask what your job is or you could say "I can't wait for September- I will be able to do what I've always wanted to do" keep it simple and they will want to know more if they are interested.
Keep calm and Keep dating!
If the first person doesn't like you try again- its about putting yourself out there and wanting to meet people. Not everyone you meet is going to love you-- Trust me, we all know this.
Today
Today has been pretty good. Just worked again, it was nice though. I fell asleep shortly after everyone left as the boy I watch was just reading quietly. When he finished his book he woke me up and put on a great movie that I didn't think I would like- Hotel Transelvania. It was so cute and I love that movie!! After the movie I fell asleep again! Gah! I have been so tired lately. I guess its because I have been stressed and been thinking about a lot of things! Anyway it was a nice and lazy day I enjoyed it.
Yesterday night was great too, I got to go out to dinner with my dad and we talked about boys who have hurt me but made me think and cute waitresses- it was quite funny. We made a bet about the waitress' age; I said she was 27 and dad said she was younger... I lost. I laughed a lot and I also gave my dad some great tips on dating! I will post them next!! ;)
Yesterday night was great too, I got to go out to dinner with my dad and we talked about boys who have hurt me but made me think and cute waitresses- it was quite funny. We made a bet about the waitress' age; I said she was 27 and dad said she was younger... I lost. I laughed a lot and I also gave my dad some great tips on dating! I will post them next!! ;)
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Someone New
Oddly I have been talking to a new someone... I enjoy talking to this boy but it is impossible for ANYTHING to happen... first of all he is an old friend from Nevada and I just moved away six or seven months ago. I'm starting to like him though. I am crazy though! I tend to like anyone I talk to for more than twenty minutes... Its a bad thing and worse is most people know about my problem and think I'm a huge flirt and stuff! Where do they get that idea? *Laugh Out Loud*
Anyway talking to this person has been really good for me and has made me think a lot. I have thought that I truly should just drop the past. I don't mean forget about my best friends because I couldn't possibly do that! My only girl friends live in Nevada!! Anyway but what I should do is stop thinking that I still live there. **I need to live in the here and now.** That's what my mom used to always tell me and it's good advice! I really should stop thinking that one day I will be back and show all those guys that I did like that I am worth it and I really should stop keeping up with every little detail of drama that is happening with my old friends because it just depresses me.. honestly.
This one person has helped me realize all that.. who would've thought! Well now I am in a better mood and I feel better about myself weirdly. I'm glad that I am able to talk to "Someone New".
Anyway talking to this person has been really good for me and has made me think a lot. I have thought that I truly should just drop the past. I don't mean forget about my best friends because I couldn't possibly do that! My only girl friends live in Nevada!! Anyway but what I should do is stop thinking that I still live there. **I need to live in the here and now.** That's what my mom used to always tell me and it's good advice! I really should stop thinking that one day I will be back and show all those guys that I did like that I am worth it and I really should stop keeping up with every little detail of drama that is happening with my old friends because it just depresses me.. honestly.
This one person has helped me realize all that.. who would've thought! Well now I am in a better mood and I feel better about myself weirdly. I'm glad that I am able to talk to "Someone New".
Working and School
Today and yesterday were really great days! I am working for my aunt and watching my cousin all day and doing simple chores at the house, plus the pay is pretty good. I really enjoy watching my cousin, it has been good for me to get close to him and the rest of the family! I love it. Also yesterday Noah and I played airsoft war for hours! It was a blast- truly! Also Yesterday I got good news!!! I got my scholarship!! Now all of my schooling is paid for! I am only taking two classes a term though which means that I can work and do school! ;)
Today I got my schedule too! I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays! Whoo-hoo!! I'm pretty happy and it has set me into a good mood. However I am soooo behind on my summer classes! -_-
Today I got my schedule too! I only have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays! Whoo-hoo!! I'm pretty happy and it has set me into a good mood. However I am soooo behind on my summer classes! -_-
Sunday, June 30, 2013
The Raven
Black raven with black wings,
Black eyes as dark as midnight,
Wind flutters his wings,
Shadows turn his head,
And movement catches his stare.
He looks down upon you and watches in dismay,
No black is with in you,
No night in your eyes,
No wings to up lift you,
No shadow to attract you,
And movements pass your gaze.
A raven, A raven, A moonlight silhouette.
Today in church
Today in church I started crying! I cried in church!! Now its official I have some serious issues and I don't know what they are or why I was upset. I really should get it checked out.
I guess I was just thinking about EVERYTHING that is wrong with me or my life. I was thinking how I hate my ugly crooked teeth, how I really should work on being more social and less mean. I mean not everything about me is bad, I love my blonde hair and my skinny waist, I also love that I am well rounded when it comes to music- it really is a good trait because then I have something in common with Everyone! I really do like every type of music no exaggeration. I will listen to Tim McGraw or Taylor Swift then Panic at the Disco and Slipknot or Three Days Grace and I love One Direction and even Justin Bieber, I will listen to Canned Heat and David Bowie, there is nothing I haven't liked when it comes to music- I even enjoy symphonies!
Anyway I really should try to focus on the good and not the bad! Its hard sometimes though!!
I guess I was just thinking about EVERYTHING that is wrong with me or my life. I was thinking how I hate my ugly crooked teeth, how I really should work on being more social and less mean. I mean not everything about me is bad, I love my blonde hair and my skinny waist, I also love that I am well rounded when it comes to music- it really is a good trait because then I have something in common with Everyone! I really do like every type of music no exaggeration. I will listen to Tim McGraw or Taylor Swift then Panic at the Disco and Slipknot or Three Days Grace and I love One Direction and even Justin Bieber, I will listen to Canned Heat and David Bowie, there is nothing I haven't liked when it comes to music- I even enjoy symphonies!
Anyway I really should try to focus on the good and not the bad! Its hard sometimes though!!
Birthday Party
Today was my birthday party and although I really enjoyed it, I was bummed because a certain someone didn't come. I had tons of friends there and we were all laughing and having a great time but I just still felt sad, hurt and almost angry because this is the third time he has cancelled on me. I really shouldn't even like him - he's crazy. Like messed up crazy. Ah hell! That's probably why I like him to begin with... anyway at my party I was surrounded by guys because that's all I hangout with and most of them like or have liked me but they just aren't enough because they aren't him... ugh.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
All about me!
I am just a simple girl trying to make it in this world. I just recently turned 17 and have been inspired to write therefore that is what I'm going to do. My goal is to write everyday at least once even if it is something small like a cooking tip. I don't care about the views I get because this is just for my own good.
First off all I would like to say that I am very busy however I love to write and it is good for me. I will be able to just get stuff off my chest without it being so public everyone can read it on Facebook or Twitter because no one but me knows I have this.
I love a lot of different things including boys, my education, music, art, photography and kissing which really is an art... I am active and go hiking as well as fishing and camping a lot during the summer. I am going to school full time at college in the fall and I am going in for Business. My major goal is to major in that and minor in Culinary. I want to open a small restaurant or two in Medford Oregon - that is my ten year goal!
First off all I would like to say that I am very busy however I love to write and it is good for me. I will be able to just get stuff off my chest without it being so public everyone can read it on Facebook or Twitter because no one but me knows I have this.
I love a lot of different things including boys, my education, music, art, photography and kissing which really is an art... I am active and go hiking as well as fishing and camping a lot during the summer. I am going to school full time at college in the fall and I am going in for Business. My major goal is to major in that and minor in Culinary. I want to open a small restaurant or two in Medford Oregon - that is my ten year goal!
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